“I’m not—”
“I can feel it.” Much in the same way I could feel Helen’s thoughts as she mused over what the best way to torture me next was.
“Davien didn’t tell us much about your circumstances. In fact, we knew very little about you before you came into our world.”
“That makes sense.” Especially given how they treated me when I first arrived—with such skepticism, almost outright anger. After having some time to see Davien and his loyal companions, it’s clearer to me now. I was a loose end, a liability. I barged into his life in a way that he never wanted and they had no idea that I felt very much the same. Then I “stole” his magic. I had very few things that would’ve encouraged them to like me.
“But he did tell us that you were a noble lady.” Giles chuckles softly. “Hol was very concerned about the idea of our future king marrying a common-born woman.”
I grin bitterly. “I was common born…and whatever title or esteem I do possess I’m certain is not high enough to merit my marrying of a king. Not that it matters, since we’re not considered married in your world.” As has been made so abundantly clear to me.
“Yes, that did ease Hol some.”
“But that’s not what you wanted to ask me, is it?”
“No.” Giles purses his lips, thinking to himself, before finally asking, “you don’t have a very good relationship with your family, do you?”
“What gave it away?” I laugh. “The fact that they sold my hand in marriage off to pay debts and fund their parties once more? The fact that I have not had one good thing to say about them since arriving?”
“The fact that you tense up, your voice changes, and your eyes lose focus on the present, whenever they’re mentioned.”
I stare at him, gaping. I can feel my lips are parted, but it takes me a moment to gain my composure enough to close them. “And here I thought I was good at concealing my emotions and thoughts.”
“You are, I think at least. Shaye was the one to notice. Davien as well. But he always seemed to know you better from the time you spent together before you came here.”
I suppose I wasn’t the only one listening those nights we spent together, paying attention to what the other said. “What’s your point?”
“If you’re worried about them hurting you, Davien has made it clear that no one will ever bring harm to you—not as long as he draws breath.”
“What?” I whisper.
“He’s already charged us with the responsibility of guarding you.”
“Because I am the vessel that carries his magic.”
“No, even after the magic is removed. He made his wishes very clear. When you return to the human world, we will come and check in on you regularly. For the rest of your days, or as long as you want it, you will have his protection.”
I shift uncomfortably in my saddle. The afternoon is suddenly too hot, even though winter is trying to slip under my riding cloak. He wants to protect me—not just the magic in me. He wants to protect me. I don’t know how to process this feeling. Why is it easier to handle the thought of him seeing me only as a vessel than of him seeing me as a person?
“What is it?” Giles asks softly.
“Nothing.” I shake my head but the thoughts stick to the inside of my skull. I can’t escape them.
He levels his eyes with mine. “You’re crying.”
I raise a trembling hand to my cheek, touching its swell lightly. Sure enough, there’s moisture there. My breath quivers, snagging on emotions that threaten to strangle me.
“Why is it that it is so much easier for me to process being treated like a thing than a person? How is it that the latter hurts more?” I blurt.
Giles blinks several times over. His brows arch upward, knitting together in the middle. I can’t stand his pity already.
“Because now you know this is how you should have been treated all along. Because you know that if one person sees you, respects you as they should, then there’s no excuse for anyone else not to. The fault does not lie—has never lain—with you, but rather the shortcomings of those you have been surrounded by. You were always worthy.”
“I—” I choke on my words. I shake my head and stare forward. “We’ve forgotten we’re racing. I’m not going to let you distract me so I go easy on you.”
“I wasn’t trying to distract you. Katria—”
I don’t hear whatever he says. With a kick and shift of my weight I’m off again through the woods, running like I did every morning at my home from all the thoughts that threaten to smother me.
