I have no response to that. What could I say? That I disagree? It’s not my place to even if I did… I don’t know if I do. I don’t envy the choices that he has to make, the position he’s putting himself in, the responsibility he bears.
My hand leaves the reins and rests lightly over his. I want him to hold me and tell me everything will be all right. I want to hold him and reassure him he’s making the best decisions he could. Even though we’re running for our lives, even in a situation like this, I want to comfort and be comforted by him.
These sentiments might well get me killed. This is why you don’t dare let yourself love. All I have to look to is Giles. He was left behind by the woman he loved. Shaye had no problem pressing on without him. And if it weren’t for the magic in me, I doubt Davien would have a hard time leaving me behind either.
I try and shake away the thoughts by reaching for my compass. “Oh no,” I breathe.
“What is it?” Davien asks. Though I know he can see over my shoulder what the problem is.
“Do you—” As I’m about to ask, I feel him move. I glance back and he’s already pulled out his own compass. Sure enough, it’s doing the same as mine.
The glowing light spins, brightening and fading each of the wedges of crystal one after the other. No wedge is illuminated for more than a second. Even when I bring us to a complete stop, the compass continues to show no stable direction.
“What’s happening?” I glance behind us nervously. Everything is still so quiet, so still. Allor could be half a world away, or right behind us. I want to keep going, but doing so without a heading seems almost more terrifying than facing Allor.
“It must be something with the old barriers that surround this place.” He curses under his breath. “Hopefully whatever is trying to throw us off course will be twice as bad for Allor or any of her allies that might be lurking.”
“What do we do, my king?” I ask, looking back. His eyes widen slightly. He realizes before I do what I said. My king, as if I am part of this world. One attack from Allor and my tone has shifted since the morning.
“We keep going straight,” he says after clearing his throat.
I purse my lips. We were utterly turned around in the scuffle. And even if I somehow guessed north correctly, I know from my father’s sailors that it’s impossible to make any kind of accurate heading without a compass or other bearings. But I also know, at this point, it would be worse to try and turn around. Hopefully we get lucky and the lake is just beyond our field of view.
“Eventually we’ll hit the road,” he says reassuringly.
“Or, even better, the lake.” I try and be optimistic. I’m pretty sure I fail. “Do you think Shaye and Giles are all right?”
“I hope so.” He sighs heavily. “I was afraid of them coming, afraid of something like this happening.”
“You thought we would be attacked?” He could’ve fooled me.
His grip tightens on me for a second. “I knew it was possible.”
“Yet you treated me as if I were crazy when I shared my suspicions of Allor with you.” My words are a little sharper than I wanted them to be. I’m sure he can hear between them, I told you so.
“I didn’t see it.” He sighs and holds me a little tighter. I can feel his fingertips against my hip bones. His body as he leans into me. “You were right, and I was wrong. Somehow, a human knew more about my people and my world than I did.”
“I don’t think that’s the case.” I scan the fog, trying to focus on anything but him. The things this man does to me…the way he makes me feel…it’s all going to be my undoing. “You trusted the people underneath you to keep you safe—to be skeptical for you. I was naturally hesitant, doubtful, ready to assume that fae were the dangerous creatures from the tales my father told me as a girl that I couldn’t trust I needed to look out for.”
He chuckles under his breath. It warms my neck. I pointedly ignore the heat that shoots through me at the feeling of it.
“Doubting everyone is no way to be a leader.” I force myself to continue speaking. “Real leaders have faith in those underneath them.”
“You speak as if you have experience with leadership.”
“When I was younger, my father had many people looking up to him in the trading company. I saw how he managed them. I also knew many of his captains and I could always tell the good captains from the bad ones—I could see if someone had the traits of a good leader or not.” Except for my father. He was the one person my best judgments failed me on. The one person I gave the benefit of the doubt to for far too long. He was never the leader I saw him as. If he was, he would’ve managed our household better. He would’ve curbed Joyce and Helen’s worst tendencies, not allowed them to be cruel as they were to me.
“So what do you think about me, then?” His question makes me glance over my shoulder. I scan the fog to make sure no one is coming up behind us, using it as an excuse to not meet his eyes. “Do you think I will be a good leader?”
“I think your kingdom is lucky that you’ve returned to them. Anyone is lucky just to be in your presence.” The words are as surprising to me as they are to him. His gaze softens, posture relaxes.
“That means a lot to me.”
“Even from a human?” I stare forward once more, reminding myself of what I am to him—of everything we can never be. I can’t love him. Even if I was oblivious to the poison that was love, I couldn’t love him of all people. In the next day, the magic will be gone from me, and we will be nothing. He even said as much himself.
“How many times must I say it? Especially from a human, so long as that human is you. Katria, I—” A noise from the right startles me. I jerk, nearly falling from the saddle. He holds onto me, keeping me in place. “What is it?”
“Did you hear that?” I whisper.
