Page 83 of Warrior of the Wild
So I don’t encourage him. I look away and step back. “You’re welcome, Soren. I did what any friend would.”
Perhaps saying that word was a bit much, but Soren gets the hint. “I’m going to check on Iric. See if he found something to do with that head for safekeeping.”
He bolts down the trapdoor faster than a hare running from a fox.
I let out a held breath as I think of Soren. Soren and his nicelips. Once, all I wanted was to know what it felt like to be kissed. And now the thought of kissing brings a bitter taste to my mouth.
I hate that. I want to think of Soren that way. I want to wonder why he wants to kiss me. If it’s because he still thinks of me as his savior, or if he really sees me, beyond the warrior. I want to puzzle through our time together, want to figure out the moment when maybe things started to change for us.
But I can’t.
The more I try, the more his face mottles into Torrin’s. I see Torrin holding that ziken head with my blood smeared across its teeth. I see the smile he had at my expense when he succeeded in his plan. I see him by Havard’s side, the two of them relishing the moment as the venom takes hold of me and sends me sprawling on the ground.
Silent tears fall from my eyes. I wipe them away hurriedly.
Girls cry. Warriors don’t cry.
Dammit, Father. I’m a person. I have feelings. I was so screwed over, and if I want to cry, I’mallowedto.
Once I give myself permission, a weight seems to grow light and float away from me.
I don’t care what my father thinks of me anymore. I loved him, and he abandoned me the moment I didn’t suit his purposes.
No one commands me out in the wild. I will behave the way I want to. I will be who I am, and I won’t hate myself for it.
I was taught to be respectful to my parents, because it was part of Rexasena’s teachings. It is one of the many things we must do to gain access into her Paradise. But will she forgive me if I don’t believe everything my parents have said or done to me?
Instantly, warmth floods through me. I feel light as air, capableof doing anything, and most importantly, loved. Whether it’s my own imaginings or the goddess herself strengthening me, I don’t care.
“Thank you, goddess,” I whisper, grateful for the comfort, wherever it comes from.
OVER OUR WELL-DESERVEDhot meal, I ask Iric, “What did you decide to do with the head?”
He swallows the bite of meat he’d been chewing. “I buried it in enough salt for it to keep until I’m ready to head back to Restin.”
“And when will that be?” I ask.
“I haven’t forgotten our deal, Raz. Besides, I’m not heading home until Soren gets that damn feather.”
Soren’s body stills, his cup of water suspended over his lips. After a moment, he lowers his hand to the table. “You would… wait for me?”
“We’re all going home. That was the deal. And I think I know the best way to do it.”
“Do share,” I say, my stomach now full of warm food. I feel ready to sleep a week, but we should discuss our next plan.
“It’s safe to say that I would be useless climbing the mountain with Soren,” Iric starts. “My skill doesn’t lie in fighting, but in building.” He turns his next words to Soren. “You and Raz should climb the mountain together. Meanwhile, I’ll stay here and build that armor I promised Rasmira. It makes sense for us to do Rasmira’s task last when there’s so much we have to prepare for it. But you, Soren? You can battle a bird.”
“We don’t even know if the otti exists,” Soren says.
“All the more reason for you to take Raz up there to check it out.”
“Rasmira has no obligation to climb the mountain with me,” Soren says. “You two had a bargain. Swimming lessons for armor. I can’t offer her anything in return for her help.”
I’m about to silence Soren’s reasoning. I don’t need anything in return for helping him climb the mountain.
But then I slam my mouth shut. I would never have even thought of offering my help a few weeks ago. I have my own task to tackle. Why would I risk my place in the goddess’s paradise if Soren’s not giving me anything in return?
Because I like him.
