Page 31 of Sleeping with the Dark (The Righteous 3)
“Then why are you here?” Mel completed for him. “Because you need to let what happened to me go.”
His body stiffened at the mention of her death. “I can’t do that. I was the commanding officer that day. No matter what, I would have guilt, but you died because of me. I wouldn’t listen to you, and I should have. I shouldn’t have been so selfish. I should’ve let you go before...”
Mel pulled on his waist, bringing him to a stop. “Hold up there, soldier boy. I’ve always made my own choices. You and me being together had nothing to do with my death. That’s a pretty vain way of looking at things if you ask me.”
“Vain? Mel, you think I didn’t hear what Miller said to you? You think I didn’t hear how with me in charge of the mission, your unit was tormenting you about being a lesser leader? You even told me yourself that you had concerns about them not respecting you as long as we stayed together and I didn’t listen.” Trev looked at the glittering waters edge in the distance and the pain from that day came roaring back. “I was naive to think that they would see the great soldier you were, that…”
“Trev.” Mel gave him a little shake. “Come off it. That conversation happened over a year before I died. Miller had always been a problem. No matter whose command he was under, you were like the only one he listened to, and no one knew why. Hell, you saw his records, talent up the wazoo, but he didn’t handle authority well.”
“Mel.”
“No, let me finish. When you asked me to pick one person to come on the mission from my unit, I chose Miller. I chose him because at the end of the day, I knew he was the best person for the job, and I didn’t care that he was trying to get under my skin.”
“I don’t believe you.” Trev crossed his arms over his chest, and Mel immediately placed her hands on her hips as they stared one another down. If it wasn’t for the painful memories and emotions he couldn’t escape when staring into her beautiful face, he might have laughed.
“Trev, I thought I could reform Miller. Shit, I thought he’d listen to me because my style of authority was so different than what he’d had. I don’t know, maybe I saw him as a challenge, but let’s be clear, it was my choice to keep him on my team and my choice to take him on that mission. Just like it was also my choice to confront him that morning and have the argument I’d been avoiding. Me being distracted had nothing to do with you.”
Trev looked away from Mel as tears threatened to make an appearance. “I saw you walk away from him, angry. I saw you head for the shoulder of the road.” Trev stopped to gulp air as his chest rose and fell quickly. He could feel the beginnings of the same attack as in the bedroom starting. Mel reached out, grabbing both his hands into her own, forcing him to cup her face. “Look at me, Trev, and breathe.”
He did as she asked and stared into her calm eyes as tears that he hadn’t shed since her death flowed from his eyes.
“I really need you to listen to me, soldier. I wasn’t upset that I was going to have to take leave. I was not distracted because we were pregnant.” A soft sob escaped him as the tears fell harder—he tried to look away, but she wouldn’t let him and caught his eye once more. “My death, our child’s death was tragic, but it was an accident that I own alone. You need to let our deaths go. You need to let us go.” He stared down at her stomach and reached out, placing his hand on her belly. Dropping to his knees, he wrapped his arms around her waist as he laid his ear against the imaginary bump.
He let it all out. So many tears, so much pain, so many days and nights that he blamed himself for their deaths. Mel didn’t say anything as he sobbed. She ran her hands through his hair and let him do what he needed to.
“You were my one shot at happiness in this shit world, Mel. You were my best friend, my love, my future, and I lost you. I lost us. I lost everything.” He turned his head to look up at her. She was the spitting image of health and serenity. Golden light bathed her, making her look like she was shimmering. “I couldn’t wait to get back and have our family, to…”
“I know. Trev, I know what you lost. I lost it all too. I lost you. I have missed this argumentative, arrogant, and yet so fucking sexy face so much.” Trev couldn’t help but smile a little. Mel always had a way with words. She reminded him of Arek and his total bluntness.
Mel stepped back, pulling him to his feet. “I will agree that you’ve lost a lot, but you’re full of shit if you think I was your one shot at happiness.”
“It feels that way, I have been so…”
“Closed off.”
“Yes, I can’t move on. I don’t deserve to move on.”
“Trevor Alexander Anderson, you stop that right this minute.”
He bit his lip and then laughed as he looked into her stern expression. Other than his mother, she was the only one that would dare speak to him like that. “I mean it, I’m not going to let you blame yourself anymore for my choices, and neither are you. You can’t control everything. You can’t protect everyone. This burden is exhausting, and you are ruining your current chance at happiness.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
She cocked an eyebrow at him, and he wanted to kiss the sass right off her face. From the time they were able to walk, she could stare him down with that look. “Why are you holding back from Cody? Shit, if a dead person can see the attraction you two have, then come on, man, get with the damn program.”
Trev laughed and pulled Mel into a hug. It was good to have someone call him on his shit that wasn’t his brother. “He is quite hot. I will give him that.”
“Pfft, boy, if I were alive, I would arm wrestle you for a chance at that. Hell, I’d suggest we take him together. That would have some serious possibilities.” He couldn’t help the stupid grin from spreading across his face. The guilt that had been constricting his heart and dragging his soul down eased as he stared into Mel’s smiling face.
“You really aren’t angry with me? You really don’t blame me?”
“Trev, you are highly intelligent, so don’t be stupid. You know as well as I do that I was happy to be a mother. I would’ve had ten kids with you. Being your wife and a mom was my ultimate dream come true since we were like eight.” She lifted a shoulder and sighed. “We were not meant to be, and fate had other ideas. Just know you were not the reason I was distracted. You were not the reason I missed that IED that day.” Her face grew serious. “I truly am at peace, and I know we will see one another again, but this is not it. It’s not your destiny to join me yet.”
This time Mel initiated the kiss. It was perfect and sweet, just like the woman herself. “But, it is time for you to go. You have a whole world out there waiting for you. You never know, you just might find that fairy tale ending you think you’re so unworthy of. And for the love of all that is sexy in this world, take that boy up on his offer—you know I would.” Mel smiled and placed another soft kiss on his lips.
“You really are the best, Mel. I was spoiled having you in my life for as long as I had you,” Trev said as he traced his thumb down her cheek. He knew this was the goodbye he’d never gotten. Her skin was so soft, her eyes brighter than he remembered, but it was her heart he missed the most, her purity and honesty that kept him grounded.
“I know.”
