Page 49 of Sleeping with the Dark (The Righteous 3)
“I had to get you to open up Arek, you needed to understand it wasn’t your fault. You were slipping into this black hole, the night terrors and the P.T.S.D. episodes were claiming you.”
“So what you’re saying is that you haven’t changed? That what happened didn’t affect you? Because I call bullshit. You are not the man that enlisted either brother.”
“Arek I couldn’t have told you,” Trev yelled. It was something he rarely did and Arek took a step back from the desk. “I love you, brother, but you have never been there for me, not the way I was for you. I didn’t feel I could come to you and honestly it was my pain to share or not share.”
Arek’s eyes grew wide. “That’s not true, I’ve always had your back.”
“Yes, it is. Can you tell me anything about our time before joining the Navy or The Righteous that bothered me? Like when my pony died of colic, what did you say to me? To stop crying there were tons of other ponies. Or how about the time I fell off the hay wagon and broke my arm which ruined my chances of playing football junior year.” You took my spot as quarterback.” Trev stood up straight even though the pain in his side started screaming, but he ignored it. “Or how about you tell me what you said to me when it came out that I was bi-sexual. You can’t can you? That’s because you didn’t say anything, you didn’t ask me once if I was okay. Not once.”
Arek’s mouth opened and then closed, only to open again, like a fish, but no words formed. “I have been there for you for every hurt, every set back, every victory you have accomplished, and I have been there for everyone. If you needed encouraging words or a shoulder to lean on it was me you ran to, and who was there every single time you decided to do something stupid and reckless? It was me that risked jail time for you when you and your buddies decided to steal a cruiser to go joy riding? The only time you’ve had my back was once we enlisted.”
“That’s not fair, Trev. I’ve never been great with words. I thought I was being comforting with the pony by telling you it wouldn’t be your last. I was only acting as a place holder as quarterback until you got back, but you decided not to re-join once you were healed. And as far as the bi-sexual, I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t care that you were, I figured if you wanted to talk about it you would. That doesn’t mean I’m a bad brother.” Arek paused and crossed his arms over his chest. “Besides you were always sharing everything with Mel.” Arek looked away from his eyes. “I always had to fight her for your attention.”
Trev laughed, the sound not at all joyous. “I didn’t have to tell Mel anything. That’s the point. She paid attention. Mel actually noticed me. I’ve had my doubts that until we got into the Navy if you even liked me, let alone loved me, brother,” the last word sour on his tongue.
“Are you kidding me? I idolized you. Why do you think I tried so hard to step into your shoes and seem cool? You were naturally more gifted at everything.” He held up his fingers as he began his list. “All the teachers loved you and your straight-A’s that came so easy to you. Our parents thought of you as the golden child, and Mel worshiped the ground you walked on.” Arek pointed at him. “Just once, I wanted to know what it felt like to be so perfect at everything.”
“Bullshit! Arek, I would have sat at a lunch table on my own if it wasn’t for Mel. Our lockers were side by side, and even when we were at them together, you wouldn’t acknowledge me unless you were alone.”
“You’re making that shit up.” Arek crossed his arms over his chest. “I loved your ass and was always jealous of you and how good you had it.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, we are so off track.” Trev fumed. “When was I going to share this news with you, Arek? When Mel first died, and we were still on mission? I had to pull my head out of all that grief, compartmentalize it so we could go on and all the while I could barely breathe. Or how about when we got back, and you were a wreck because of all the shit you had going on? Would that have been a good time to dump all my emotional baggage on you?” Trev ran his hand through his hair. “Have you taken a moment to consider the thought that I couldn’t share because I knew it would turn into this.”
“This what?” Arek barked out. Trev sighed and looked away from Arek. “Say it, Trev, you know you want to. This what?”
“I didn’t want my hurt somehow becoming all about you, which it has.”
“Take that back.” Arek stomped around the desk.
“No, you are fucking selfish and always have been, and you know it. I didn’t tell you because I needed to take care of me and you, like I always have,” Trev yelled.
As soon as the words left his mouth he regretted them. They had their differences, but Arek was right about one thing, they processed differently and the issues they had as children and teens were nothing to what they faced overseas. He never once felt that he wasn’t safe with Arek at his six, and that meant more than all the other issues combined. The pained look in Arek’s eyes had him regretting his loose tongue.
“If that’s how you really feel, then maybe you’d be better off without me around.” Arek turned and marched for the door.
“Arek.” Trev took a step to follow his brother when the world spun. He reached for the desk as his knees gave out. His arm slammed off the side of the desk as he continued to fall for the floor, the world going dark.
Arek yelled Trev’s name as the thud and crash had him looking to see Trev laying face down on the ground. He ran for his brother, forgetting in a blink what they’d even been arguing over. “Cody,” he yelled as he fumbled around in his jeans, trying to grab his cell.
He slowly flipped Trev over, and he was still breathing, but his skin was clammy. He carefully lifted Trev’s head into his lap and brushed the hair away from his forehead. “Cody, for fuck’s sake, get in here,” he bellowed the house down.
“Come on, come on,” he muttered as Cody burst into the office.
“What the hell did you do to him?” Cody skidded in on his knees as he came to a halt beside Trev’s still body.
He shot Cody a glare. “I didn’t do anything. He just collapsed. Come on, pick up.” The phone connected, and the same gruff voice as the night he’d first called answered. “The special order has gone sour. I need to order another.”
“Meet me…”
“No, you meet me this time. I’m not picking up the order and taking it anywhere,” Arek growled into the phone, his hand squeezing it a little too tight. He was met with deep breathing and silence.
“Fine, text the address.” The line went dead.
He quickly sent their address and then turned his attention to Cody. “The doctor is on his way. Help me get him moved to his bedroom.” As he and Cody lifted Trev’s body, he was once more faced with some harsh realities. His brother was right. He couldn’t remember a single time he’d ever asked anything about Trev or what was going on in his life. How was that possible? The harder he tried, the less he could remember, and finally, he stopped trying for now.
“Come on, Trev. I’d trade places with you right now if I could. I’m so sorry you felt like you couldn’t come to me,” he said as they laid Trev out on the bed. He looked up to Cody. “Keep an eye out for the doctor to arrive. I’m staying with my brother.”
Cody’s eyes ran over Trev’s still form. “Okay.”
