Over the last five days of staying with Arek and Trevor, Renee had slept the best she’d slept in her entire life. J.J. was adapting a little too easily to all the amenities: an indoor and outdoor pool, a movie room, and a basketball net outside. She had no idea how they were going to go back to the life they’d been living, but damn, it was unbelievably amazing simply to breathe easily for a while. It also went without saying that she’d fallen into the trap of staying in Arek’s bed every night, and he was a big part of her relaxed state of mind and aching muscles.
Renee watched the beautiful scenery passing by as they drove but had to work to keep the smirk off her face as she played over what they’d done together the night before. She spotted a young boy holding onto his mother’s hand and suddenly felt sick to her stomach.
“I don’t think this is a good idea. I’ve never left J.J. with anyone other than Francine,” Renee said.
She looked over at Arek, and her heart skipped a beat. It had been beating hard ever since she first met him, but now it fluttered wildly in her chest. Their time together had certainly done a lot to convince her to stay, and the way he was with J.J. made her melt. The affection was real, and it was easy to see how much J.J. already adored him and, strangely Trevor.
Arek’s dreams scared her, but more because she didn’t know how to help him. The way he thrashed, and the things he said…
She shivered a little as she recalled the agony in his voice and the way he’d woken up? He hadn’t known where he was—that was next-level eerie. She knew PTSD was real. Hell, she had it over Tyson to some degree, but she’d never known anyone with it until now, and she was caught between feeling helpless and a little terrified.
“Sally loves kids. She couldn’t have any of her own, and did you see the way J.J. lit up when Trev said he’d stay home from the office? My brother is trying to hide it, but he’s smitten with J.J. Trust me, my brother may not look the part, but he’s as lethal as I am.”
“That’s partly what worries me,” Renee mumbled. As scary as she knew Arek could be, Trev gave her chills. The thought of leaving J.J. in his care terrified her. Arek reached across the console and laced their fingers together.
“Stop worrying. J.J. is in good hands. Besides, knowing your little brother, he’ll have them both wrapped around his finger by the time we return.”
Renee smiled at that. “Okay, tell me where we’re going then. What’s the surprise?”
“If I tell you, then it’s not much of a surprise. Just sit, relax, and enjoy this sunny day. Here, I’ll put on some music.” The song from Weezer, “Island in the Sun,” blared through the speakers. Arek tapped his steering wheel, and as he sang at the top of his lungs. She erupted in giggles. The windows were down, and every person in each car they passed stared, making her want to shrink into the seat and disappear.
“Youwouldlike this song,” she yelled over his terrible singing.
“Join in!” He smiled and a weight lifted off her chest.
Unable to help the infectiousness that was Arek any longer, she rocked back and forth. “Hip, hip,” she yelled along with Arek, making them both laugh.
Was it actually possible her life was turning around? Was it possible that all the shit that kept coming was lifting, and there was a light at the end of the tunnel?
She couldn’t help picturing another train coming for her, but Francine had been right. She needed to try and live and not just react. She’d spent her entire life in a defensive position, like a boxer waiting to dodge the next jab.
“Oh shit!” Renee smacked her forehead.
Arek’s head whipped in all directions, his hand slipping between the seat to produce a gun. “What’s wrong? What do you see?”
She stared at the weapon and then the hard line of his jaw, the music and light atmosphere disappearing in a blink. This was the deadly Arek, the one that would shoot anything that came for her.
How could she not feel protected, and yet…was this what she wanted for the rest of her life? Because ‘this was war’ Arek—the one who had seen shit she couldn’t imagine and the ghosts of that time followed him around, haunting his mind. This Arek scared her.
“I do not see anything that warrants that.” She pointed at the gun. “I just remembered I was supposed to work tonight and never called Ivan.”
Arek slipped the gun back to where he grabbed it from and gave her a hard stare. “Try not to do that, please.”
Renee nodded, her cheeks flushing hot with embarrassment. “I’m not used to riding with a killer,” she bit out and turned to look out the window.
Arek sighed.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come off so rude. You scared me.”
“I’m sorry too, but how are we going to do this? I don’t know how to act around you.” Arek’s look clearly said he didn’t understand. “I mean, you’re this sweet guy, but then in the next moment, you could put a bullet in my head. It’s a little unnerving.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“I wouldn’t do that—Renee, I’m no different than any other soldier. How do you think other soldiers' better-halves handle it?” He shrugged like it was no big deal.
She chewed her lip as she mulled that over, and yet she still didn’t have an answer because he was now working outside the government, on his own. Or not on his own…either way, it was different. Wasn’t it?
“You must know I’d never hurt you or J.J. I need you to believe me when I say that. I would shoot myself first. If I’d hurt you when I grabbed your wrist, I—let’s just say you don’t have to worry.” Arek held his hand open for her to take, and she nodded, believing him as she placed her hand in his. He brought it up to softly run his lips across her knuckles, and a jolt of heat erupted in her body, making her wiggle in the seat. “As for work, call them and tell them you won’t be back.”
“I can’t do that. I have bills to pay and J.J. to take care of—I need the money.”