Page 8 of Fire and Rain
“Hey, don’t apologize.” Sean rested a big hand on hers for a moment, his touch warm and comforting. “You’re right. It’s a stupid term. The military specializes in those—and acronyms.”
She reached for a tissue, dabbed her eyes, smiling despite herself. “Justin called it military alphabet soup.”
Sean nodded, a sad smile on his face, and Eden knew he’d heard Justin say that, too. “He was a fun and funny guy—the best.”
Eden had always enjoyed watching Justin with Sean together. They were both tall, strong, and good-looking, but that’s where the similarities ended. Justin had had brown eyes and dark hair that he’d kept short, while Sean had blue eyes and dark blond hair. They looked nothing alike, and yet they’d been kin since the day they’d met.
“You were like a brother to him.”
Sean’s gaze dropped to the table. “He isstilla brother to me. He’s just …gone.”
For a moment, Eden simply stared at Sean, his words describing her feelings in a way that no one else seemed to understand. “Yes. He’s still my husband. He’s justgone.”
She knew her friends and relatives meant well, but their attempts to comfort her had as often as not left her wanting to scream.
Your tears will dry, and you’ll meet someone new and fall in love again.
Everything happens for a reason.
I guess God needed a very brave angel for some special purpose.
She didn’t realize she was crying again until Sean spoke.
“I can come back later if this is too much and you’d like to be alone.”
She reached for another tissue, shaking her head. He was always so considerate, and he’d done so much for her already. “No. Sorry. I just… I just miss him.”
“So do I.”
Of course, Sean missed him, too. Sean had known Justin longer than Eden had, and the two had been inseparable. Sean had eaten dinner at their place as often as not. He’d gone camping, skiing, hunting, and fishing with them. She’d seen tears on his cheeks at Justin’s memorial service.
She cleared her throat, got up to toss the two tissues in the trash, doing her best to put the broken, hurting pieces of herself together. “More coffee?”
“No, thanks. I’m fine.”
She sat once again and focused on his neat handwriting. “Let’s try this again.”
“It’s smart to set that five-hundred thousand aside for emergencies or a house or Maverick’s future. You’ll be getting monthly DIC, plus Social Security, plus his SBP money. Together, that’s a little more than thirty-five hundred a month pre-tax. You have to pay taxes on the Social Security and the SBP, but not the DIC. I’m not a tax person, but my guess is that you’ll have a net of about twenty-six hundred each month. It’s not a lot, but you get to remain in base housing for now, right?”
Government housing was free, and she was allowed to remain here for a year from the date of Justin’s death. But did she want to stay?
“I can stay for now, but I’m not sure I want to.”
His brow furrowed, and he cocked his head as if curious to hear her reasons.
She tried to explain. “Everywhere I look, I see Justin. His shaving stuff. His uniforms. His kayak. His clothes. His fishing gear. I still have his toothbrush. Sometimes having him all around me is comforting. Sometimes it’s torture. Being so close to base, I can hear rescue helicopters take off, and it makes me think of that night, of hearing him fly away, not knowing he would never come back.”
“I’m so sorry, Eden. That must be hell.”
She nodded, her grief so heavy it threatened to sink her.
“I understand if you’d rather move.”
“I don’t know what I want. When I think about finding a place in town, I get completely overwhelmed. Moving with a toddler. Going back to work. Leaving our home and so many memories behind. I was happy here.” She reached for another tissue. “I know I’m contradicting myself. I probably sound crazy. Whether I stay here or move, it all feels impossible.”
Sean leaned closer, met her gaze. “You don’t sound crazy at all. You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready to do. Whatever you decide, youwon’tface it alone.”
She sniffed, nodded. “Thank you. You’ve been so good to us.”
