Page 111 of Lucas & Melissa Falling in Love
Chapter 35
“Ineed to see my father.” I take great gulping breaths, trying to get as much air in as I can once we’re outside and walking to where Lucas parked the car. “Do you mind driving me?”
“Tell me when you’d like to go.”
“Now.”
The facts of Elise’s confession bombard me with the momentous knowledge that my father knew all along who my birth parents were. And he never told me, not even when I asked, begged him to. His allegiance to his old friend was stronger than his allegiance to me. He thought it was more important to keep Stuart’s secret all these years than to grant my one yearning wish to know about my birth parents. I’m not sure what my mother knew or didn’t know. But I need to find out. Everything.
We get in the car and Lucas doesn’t start it, doesn’t put on his seat belt, but turns to me.
“That was a lot to take in. Even for me, and I’m only a bystander, albeit one who adores you and is worried for you. I can’t imagine how you’ve taken it all in.”
I don’t say anything because I know he has more to say, know where he’s going with this and I need to listen to him, hear it, consider his words.
“Do you think you should give yourself some time to digest all the information, assimilate all the feelings, emotions, before confronting your father? He will undoubtedly add to the already overwhelming . . . pile of shit you’ve just been through.”
I laugh at his last words. He cracks a smile. I breathe again, calm now, and I feel some of my equilibrium come back. Grabbing onto the lapels of his coat, as if grabbing onto reality itself, I pull us close together and he obliges, giving me a long deep kiss. It’s so easy to get lost in the warm moist feel of his lips on mine, to let the power of his sensual energy overtake me, cleanse me of everything else.
“Thank you,” I say to him as he starts the car and we pull out into traffic. “But I need to do it now, need to get this all over with as fast as I can. Kind of like ripping a Band-Aid off a cut really fast.”
He sighs and when we get to the stoplight he pulls to the left to head to the highway. “You’re braver than I am.”
“You’re nicer than I am. You didn’t sayI told you so. You knew my father was holding back.”
“I had a suspicion. But believe me when I say I didn’t want to be right. Besides, there’s a lot more to it than I ever thought.”
He’s right. But I don’t want to think about it so I turn on the CD and I’m thankful for the Kenny G jazz, soft and easy. We’re on the highway and Lucas’s solid presence, the soft music, and the steady movement succeed in putting me to sleep.
* * *
As we pullinto the driveway, I wake up. It’s Lucas’s warm hand caressing my shoulder, then my face after he stops the car that returns me to full alertness, snapping me from the groggy aftermath of a sound dreamless sleep. My first thought is that I’ve forced this poor man to drive me all this way on his—our—day off and I don’t even have the good grace to keep him company.
“I’m sorry I deserted you on the drive,” I say and give him a contrite smile.
“I stopped for coffee so I wouldn’t crash, but I’m a big boy. You know driving is my thing, right?” He smiles as he pops open his door and lets in the arctic freeze.
But the shiver that runs through me has nothing to do with the cold. It’s knowing it’s time to face my father, to ask him for his explanation. I’m holding my disappointment at bay, hoping for a good, understandable reason, something that will allow me to go on believing that he loves me like I’ve always believed. That he’s not put himself and his friend ahead of me. Because I’m not his. Because I belong to his friend.I don’t want to think that he’s always thought of me as his friend’s daughter.
Lucas goes around and opens my door, reaching in and pulling me from the car and from my deepest fear. That I don’t belong to anyone. Not really. My teeth chatter uncontrollably and Lucas pulls me against him, wrapping me in his arms.
“You’re cold?” he asks because he knows it’s not the cold. “Let’s get inside, Melissa. It’ll be all right.”
“You keep saying that as if you know, as if you can make it so by sheer will.”
“It’s because I can. And because I know you can. It’s your choice, isn’t it? And you’re the strongest-willed person I know.”
I used to be. I don’t dare say that aloud.
We step up and Lucas opens the storm door. I turn the handle and it’s unlocked, as always, so I shove it open and step inside.
It’s quiet, but I hear the muffled sound of a television coming from the back of the house, from the TV room that hasn’t changed since I can remember except now the TV is much larger.
“Maybe we should have phoned first,” Lucas says.
I motion for him to follow as I slip off my coat and throw it on a chair. He does the same and I call out.
“Mom? Dad? Surprise. I’m home.” I grab hold of Lucas’s hand.
