Page 64 of He Has Charm (Boston Brawlers Hockey)
“Sugar… no, you don’t,” he says, the picture of shock and awe personified. Should I be happy about that? It’s not horror.
“Yes I do.”That’swhen shades of horror start to show, so I do what I always do when I panic, I ramble. “But don’t worry, because I know it’s new and soon, kind of, and I don’t expect you to say anything or even feel the same way at this point. Or ever. Maybe never. I fully realize—”
He finally stops me with a finger over my lips. “I… don’t know what to say, Harper,” he says, flat-out honest. “I didn’t expect—”
“Of course you didn’t.” I frown. “But why not?”
“Why would a woman like you ever fall for a guy like me?” he asks simply and it hits me. All this time I’m thinking I’m not in his league and he’s the one thinking he’s not in mine.
But then, maybe we’re both right. We’re not each other’s type. We’re opposites.
“What about my contract and your job?” he says. I snort. I don’t remember why I ever thought those things were so insurmountable because right now I could conquer anything and everything.
“After that hat trick you’re on this team for good,” I say and he grins, but it fades right away.
“What about your job? An agent and a player—"
“I’ll quit my job,” I say, undaunted and on a roll like I’m skating around every cone on the ice that he can throw out there.
“What about your family and their debt?”
“I’m an attorney. I’ll find another job.” I slap my forehead and shock reverberates through my system. It’s so simple. And yet so costly. I’d be giving up my dream job. But the funny thing is, I don’t feel even a smidgeon of angst. At least not now, not naked in bed with my dream man.
“Are you sure? You have a sweet gig with the Jett agency.”
I shake my head. “I can work for another kind of agency. Not a sports agency. Maybe I’ll work with musicians. They’re not hockey players, but I hear they can be fun.” My mind churns with the possibility and I run down the logistics of a career change while he looks at me. In disbelief?
“Fucking hell.” He growls and pulls me tight. “I can’t let you do that. And not just because it would make me insanely jealous to see you working with fucking musicians. We can’t…” He shuts his mouth and I wait a beat, but he’s not talking. My gut sinks, pulling my heart down with it as I try to read his mind. The dark cloud of his face scares me.
“What? Tell me everything. Tell me the absolute truth, Maddox.”
“I can’t make promises to you, Harper. I’m not a wedding bells and picket fence with a family kind of guy.” These are the exact words I knew I was going to hear, the words I’ve been guarding against for weeks and weeks. I should be prepared, but tears pop and gather, then stream down my face and I don’t bother stopping them.
“You said you had feelings,” I say and want to bite my tongue off.
“I do, sugar buns.” He strokes my face. “But not… I can’t commit to you. Can’t make any promises beyond here and now.” He heaves a deep sigh and lets out a shaky breath. “And I can’t lead you on to think that there will ever be a … happy ever after.”
“I don’t understand,” I barely get out the words. Because this makes no sense. I can feel the emotion and caring coming from him. Why can’t he change?
I’m so confused. He should be able to change his mind about bachelorhood, shouldn’t he? I can see the pain in his eyes and could swear he feels the same way I do, that he’s falling for me whether he admits it fully or not.
“Why?” I swipe the tears from my face and sit up. “Katy said you have a good reason for being a bachelor.” He flinches and surprise flashes in his eyes. “What is it? Maybe I don’t have a right to know, but it sure as hell feels like I do right now.”
“You do have a right. Because I’m asking you to be with me without a commitment. And I know very well that goes against who you are and how you feel.”
“Tell me. Please.” I hate that I’m begging and wonder, really, will it make me feel any better knowing why he’ll never commit to me, that he’ll always reserve the right to move on to the next woman? I doubt it.
But I hope so much that his reason is as good as promised.Almost as much as I hope I can shoot his fucking reason full of holes and kill it dead.
He sits up and swings his legs over the edge of the bed, facing away from me. Panic wells up that he’s not going to tell me, that he’s going to walk away. I move over and kneel behind him, shamelessly wrapping my arms around him.
“Don’t go,” I whisper in his ear. He flinches and turns to me.
“I wasn’t going anywhere, Harper.” He stares at me, pain filling those gorgeous eyes. My heart clenches because I’ve pushed him too far. “This is hard for me. I’ve only ever talked about it to my mom and sisters.” He snorts derisively. “And I don’t even like talking to them about it.”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart, you don’t need to—”
He catches my hand as I caress his chest and kisses it.
“Yes I do. Don’t stop me now that I’ve dug up some courage. Not sure if I’ll ever find it again.” He smiles at me, a sad smile. Then he moves back onto the bed, sitting up against the pillows, and pulls me onto his lap so that I’m straddling him. Our most intimate places are cushioned together, warm and lush and alive with nerves and energy as I settle my pussy on top of his half-dormant cock. The other half is coming back to life under me and I stifle a moan.
“Are you sure this is the best position to talk?”
He nods, his face perfectly serious, no smirk whatsoever as he hugs me close so my breasts smash against his chest.
“It’s the perfect position, because we can’t be more intimately connected than this.” He shudders a breath. “And what I’m going to tell you is the deepest secret of my life.” His mouth is so close, I breathe in his words and feel his emotion like it’s mine.
“I understand perfectly,” I say. He nods and stares into my eyes.
“My father died of a sudden heart attack when I was twelve,” he starts, his voice breaking. He clears his throat. “Turns out he had dilated cardiomyopathy—a fatally enlarged heart. In his case the cause was genetic. And I’ve inherited the gene.” He takes a deep breath and when he lets it out slow, I breathe it in, my heart thudding fast against his.His precious flawed heart.
