Page 32 of He Has Santa (Boston Brawlers Hockey)
CHAPTER12
JUNIE
Ihope to hell we didn’t make a big mistake by letting our hormones get the best of us. Genie’s out of the bottle and he doesn’t want to put it back inside—or maybe he does.
If our texting back and forth during his west coast trip is any hint, the genie is only getting hotter to get back inside. But I’m torn. Our chemistry feels like a runaway train that’s going to crash and burn and what would that do to Nicky—and us—if it does?
Sorting through the tangle of lust and emotions is impossible and it’s killing me—not to mention killing this cake batter because I’ve just over mixed it into a frothy mess, losing track of where I am and what I’m doing. It’s early morning, too early for a text from Logan and he’s returning tomorrow. My heart speeds up, palpitating at just the thought of his return. I look up at the clock again. “Shit.” I say out loud to no one because I’m alone at the Tilt-aWhirl. It’s my day to do the early morning baking and open the place at seven a.m. for the morning coffee and pastry crowd. Though it’s only five a.m. and too early at to have a civil conversation with anyone, I pull out my phone and pray Sharon will forgive me.
“Are you kidding me?” Those are her words when she answers her phone on the fourth ring. She yawns as I apologize and then she adds, “Wait, is everything alright? What’s wrong?”
“If I wanted a worry wart, I’d have called my mother. I’m fine. Sort of.” I sigh deeply. Not at all. But I’m a lousy liar and I can hear her shuffling, probably to her kitchen to get coffee. I decide to wait until she’s had a sip before I unload on her. Besides, do I even know what to say? I had mind-blowing sex with Logan that transported me back to the most blissful time of my life and now I’m scared doesn’t sound right.
In fact, it would make me sound like a nutcase, like I should be calling a therapist instead of my best friend. She’ll only laugh at me, accuse me of being the same old scaredy-cat I always was and that she’s disappointed because she thought I’d grown up since high school and got over my stupid insecurities.
Or maybe it’s me who’s disappointed.
“Okay. Got my coffee. Let’s hear it. I bet it’s about Logan.”
I pause a beat, chew my bottom lip and make up my mind. “Sure. He’s invited me and Nicky to the Brawlers Holiday Festival and I don’t know what to wear. To make him hot for me.” Now there’s a longer pause.
“Are you shitting me? That’s why you called at … five-fifteen in the fucking morning. Pardon my language, but—”
“You’re right. It’s stupid. I’m stupid. One night with Logan and I’ve regressed six years in maturity level. I can handle him. I can handle his notoriety. I can handle whatever girls throw themselves at me because he proved that he cares, proved that he’s matured too, didn’t he?” I take a deep breath.
“If you say so… wait, back up to the part where you spent the night with Logan—”
“Never mind. You know I’m not a kiss and tell kind of girl.”
“So there was kissing involved.” I laugh.
“He stood up for me when Ken tried to intimidate me into having a lunch date. He’s been nothing but loving and attentive with Nicky and he says he’s committed.”
“Of course he does. But do you believe him?”
“I do. He is. He always was and I knew it deep down, but we were so young back then. Maybe making the leap into adulthood with him on that wild ride scared me.”
“And running off to New York with a stranger didn’t?” It’s a fair question.
“No. Because of the stakes. I didn’t care so much. Maybe I always thought it was a practice game.”
“Practice game? What the hell are you talking about, girl?” I sigh. It’s about time I admitted it out loud.
“I’d been planning to leave Dave, to bring Nicky home, to tell Logan about his daughter, before Dave got sick. Of course his illness put my plans on hold for a year. A very long difficult year. But I’m glad I did the right thing and stayed with him until the end. And now…”
“Now you want Logan. For real. For more than just Nicky’s daddy. For yourself.”
I nod as if she can see me. “Am I a fool?”
“No. You were a fool six years ago, but you’ve finally smartened up. I just hope it’s not too late, that Logan is on the same page.”
So do I. With all my heart.
* * *
The Brawlers HolidayFestival is crowded and I’m the object of a lot of attention and curiosity from the other players and their families, but I keep my chin up and a smile on my face because so what. Logan notices and he’s impressed.
“You’re holding up well. A few years ago and you’d have been running for the corner.”
