Page 65 of He Has Game (Boston Brawlers Hockey)
Chapter 18
Finn
My eyes reflexively seek out Vivvie. I see her standing with her hands in the air, smiling and jumping. Happy for the team, for me. And then, as if in slow motion, she falls, sliding down behind the boards like someone has deflated her. Watching in horror, I see Grace clutching at her, panic on her face, and the people around her reacting.
Whatever horror froze me in that moment, I break through it. Even with the team crowding, pulling at me, I yank away and skate like fucking hell, like I never have before, throwing my mask and stick and gloves aside as I go. I reach the bench and throw myself over it, the others heading out on the ice, laughing at me, slapping at me, the crowd around reaching for me. I catch Mary’s eye.
She knows something’s wrong and automatically looks to where Vivvie sits. We both see Grace and my mother and Neil holding her up, pulling her from the seats into the aisle. I can’t tell if she’s conscious or not. There are too many people. And I can’t hear my own voice as I shout her name, as I jump out of the bench into the stands. And run in my fucking skates. Mary catches up with me, her phone clutched to her ear.
I catch the attention of security and point them to Vivvie.
The rest is a mind-blowing span of chaos. Me getting to her and working with security to get her down to the locker rooms to the training room for first aid, the team’s doctor joining us. Mary telling us an ambulance is on the way as we all crowd in the room with the doctor. When I tell him she has a pacemaker, he blanches, but he jumps into action, knowing what to do.
The first thing he does is kick us all out except the trainer who rushed in after us, sensing the emergency.
And then my teammates make it to the locker room where I pace while Grace and my mother and Neil sit in a corner. My mom is a brick, comforting Grace and giving me looks like she wants to be consoling me. But I send her the message with my blank stare that there’s no need for her to concern herself.
Truth being that there’s no need because there’s no way she or anyone could console me if anything happens to Vivvie.
We end up at the hospital that night, relegated to the emergency waiting room until her doctors appear. Her parents are there and the doctors go to them while I look on. Not caring if I’m eavesdropping, I listen in to find out that she needed a new pacemaker which was installed. She had an episode and should recover, but they’re keeping her for observation. The doctors also want to find out what set off the premature failure of the pacemaker.
The doctor allows her parents to see her. Mrs. Frost turns to me, unsure whether to invite me. I say to the doctor, “I’m her fiancée. I’d like to see her too.” He nods and I’m not even a tiny bit ashamed of the pseudo-lie in front of her parents. Am I misleading them? I don’t even know right now because what I feel right now is overwhelmingly real. Nothing fake about the heart-pounding fear in me when I held her in the locker room waiting for the ambulance.
We go into the room where she’s lying in bed, hooked up to too many beeping and flashing monitors, although the steady sounds are reassuring. I linger at the door while her parents sit bedside, unsure now about my standing, what business I have being here, knowing I’ve caused her pain and heartache, maybe even caused the trigger for the pacemaker failure.
She doesn’t see me. I hear her talking in a low calm voice, telling her parents what the problem was.
She says it was because her heart swelled too far, over filled with love and joy past her capacity, past any human capacity. I leave, knowing I have something to prove, unprepared to do it now.
The next day, I return and I bring flowers along with a well-rehearsed speech. But when I see her, dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed, looking like she always did, beautiful, inside and out, whatever was in my head disappears and I’m left with nothing but my gut and my heart to go on.
We’re alone, thank fuck. She looks up and her smile is immediate.
“Finn.” The one word, the way she says it, the way she puts her whole body and soul into it conveys so much raw emotion, caring, admiration, longing and damn it,love.
Pulling the door closed behind me, I see there’s no lock, so I shove a chair under the door. She’s not hooked up to anything, so there won’t be machines any summoning for an emergency.
I go and sit next to her on the bed, holding the flowers, tongue tied like I’ve never been before in my life.
“Congratulations on winning the Stanley Cup. You have no idea how happy I am for you.”
I hand her the flowers.
“They’re pretty. You’re sweet.” Looking up at me she puts the flowers on the tray and caresses my face with her hand. “But you didn’t have to—”
“Yes I did.” Whatever emotional block I’ve had up until now, snaps and I’m flooded with feelings for her, passion, adoration, desire, maybe even love. “I’ve been a fool. I have a lot to make up to you. The only thing I’ve been faking for the past three months, is that I was ever pretending what we have is real. Because it is real. I really care about you. Do you know how scared I was when you collapsed? Nothing else mattered then but you, not even the Stanley Cup. I want you. I want us to have a relationship.”
“I want that too.”
“I know. I got your letter. It scared the shit out of me at the time. Did I mention what a fucking idiot I am?”
It’s a rhetorical question, but I know she’s ready to answer it, so I kiss her. She sighs into my mouth as I sink my lips onto hers, experience her warmth and take it all in without hesitation. And I give back, letting my emotions loose and feeling such a release that my heart thuds fast and furious. As my passion rises, along with my dick, there’s a sound at the door.
Shit, someone’s trying to get in. Vivvie breaks the kiss.
“We really should let them in.” Her smile promises me more, so I get up and move the chair.
My mother walks in and hugs me and I let her. The smile on her face tells me she’s been listening in. I sigh, unable to work up anything but minor irritation. Grace and Neil walk in behind her. Neil claps me on the back and I see tears in his eyes. How the hell did my mom end up with him, I’ll never know, but not too far into their visit, she announces they’ll be getting married and buying a home in the Boston area to be near any potential grandchildren.
