Page 15 of He Has It All (Boston Brawlers Hockey)
“We good?” she says to Levi, not bothering to look at me or to wonder what I might have to say to her, why I followed her out here. Now I don’t even know why I did. Only that I don’t want her to leave yet. Levi nods and she turns again, marching to the curb.
“My bag is in the car,” I say. I wave at Levi. “See you in the morning, man.” He goes back inside.
“That’s all you want? Your bag?” She opens the car door, leaning in to drag the bag out, then turns and slams it into my gut.
“No,” I say. “What if that’s not all?”Really, O’Rourke? I sound like a fucking twelve-year-old.
“Then it’s too bad because I don’t kiss frogs,” she says as she slips into the car and takes off, leaving me standing there wanting to bite my tongue off. Whatthe fuckis my problem?
Why the fuck is she the most confusing girl—woman—I’ve ever known? Maybe because she’s the one of the few woman I’ve ever gotten to know very well, other than relatives.
Except sometimes I feel like I am related to her, too close to her.
And not close enough. But she’s the one I can’t be close to in that way.
I am so damn fucked up.
A light rain starts to fall, so I walk to the house next door and let myself in. Then try and forget about thegirl next door. Because if there’s one thing that’s still clear, it’s that I can’t fuck up this weekend. It’s my sister and my best friend’s wedding. So whatever shit is going through my head tonight, I need to get it out of my system, accept the dreaded confrontation and own up to the mistake four years ago. I shouldn’t have touched her, shouldn’t have started something I couldn’t finish. I made a promise.
Now we’ve had it out. We know our lanes and need to stay in them, isn’t that what she said? I’ve done a lot tougher things than stay celibate for a four-day weekend. This should be a piece of fucking cake.
Because I’m not that dickhead skirt chaser they think I am anymore. But before I can convince anyone else, I need to first convince myself.
