Page 22 of He Has Trouble (Boston Brawlers Hockey)
The whole world seemed to brighten, to open up as if I’d been shut in a closet for years and now the door was open. I stepped through it.
“Does this mean we don’t need tobuild a new relationshipafter all?” Because as much as I would do whatever she needed, the prospect was daunting. I loved our relationship as it had been the past few days, as impractical as it had been.I loved Angela.
She gave me a look, but I didn’t let her answer.
“So you’re still in love with me?” I asked. Needing to hear it again.
“You know I am,” she whispered. Then she searched my eyes, no doubt to see if there was an answer in me to her unspoken questiondid I love her back. I needed to tell her, but the old knee-jerk avoidance defense shot through me. Until she smiled. Everything evaporated then, except the life-giving, heart palpitating love I felt for her.
“That’s real good news. Cause I’m still madly, head-over-heels in love with you.”
She laughed. “And there’s that competitive streak—you had to outdo me in the love-declaration.” I laughed with her, because she was right, because she knew me that well, knew all the things wrong with me and the few things that might be right. And she loved me anyway. I wanted to deserve her so much, with everything in me then. And I knew I could. There was no other sane choice. I had a moment of clarity then about my father, about how he’d felt losing his wife. She was my mother and I let that cloud everything. I’d been a kid. Now I knew as a grown man hopelessly in love what he must have felt losing her. The wrench of empathy made me grip Angela tighter, made my chest tighten in sorrow and gut wrenching need.
“You okay?” she asked because she knew, sensed my need, my emotions. God, how I loved her.
Capturing Angela’s mouth, I devoured her, holding her as tight as he could while my heart tapped an elated beat high in my throat. Emotions gripped me, tumbling around as I thought of taking her away with me on a love-trip wilder than any magic mushroom journey, making me dizzy until I needed to take a deep breath.
“Is it possible for a man to be transformed overnight by a woman?” I whispered, running my fingers through her hair, pressing my hips into hers. She nuzzled my neck and I glanced over her head at my dad’s house. My childhood home. There was no twist in my gut, only a mellow sadness. As I felt Angela’s soft hair tickle my chin, some wistful happy memories forced their way to the surface to fill in some empty spaces in my heart. Looking at the house didn’t depress me as it had in the past. I had a new perspective.
It was the place that had led me to Angela. And I knew with untarnished certainty that Angela was my home now.
