I watch as my brother-in-law moves in close to Lochlan. With the scowl of a disapproving dad, his attention volleys between Lochlan and me.
“Look away,” I mouth to Lochlan. “You’re causing a scene.”
“No.” He glares back.
“You know, Colton said he smelled like a distillery and was broken up over a girl.”
I turn in my seat so fast I nearly knock Eli out of hers. “What?”
“Colton said he’s in love.”
“Not Lochlan.”
My body is an inferno. I can feel him staring at me, but I can’t. I just can’t allow myself to get sucked back in.
“That’s not what Colton is saying.”
“Eli? I’m begging you, please stop.”
She lifts a brow but finally shrugs. “Okay. But what are you going to do on the flight? You’ll be confined on a private plane for like six hours!”
“I don’t know,” I mutter and, despite myself, look at him once more.
His eyes are full of emotion as he mouths, “I’m not done with you.”
The breath stalls in my lungs. It’s the exact same thing he said when I saw him in New York. My fingers tingle and my eyes burn.
“Tilly?” Eli grasps my arm, and I realize I’m hyperventilating. Quick, shallow breaths are suffocating me as I drop my hands to my knees. My knuckles turn white, and I know I’ll have bruises tomorrow, but I can’t unclench my hands. I’m trying desperately not to rock in my seat as a cold sweat blooms on my skin.
My ears whoosh and ring with the sounds that normally calm me. The sounds of my happy place. Sounds that suddenly seem like they’re underwater.
“Shit. Come on, sweetie. Let’s go.” Eli crouches as she stands so she doesn’t block the guests behind us and tugs me up.
My gaze shifts to Lochlan, and I know he knows. I see it in his eyes. The way he shifts from left to right, trying to make an escape before the bride and groom, but I shake my head in warning. If he moves, he’ll ruin Colton’s day, and I can’t have that. I also can’t stay here.
My body trembles, and I follow my sister down the side of the aisle. The fresh mountain air hangs heavy in my chest.
“Geez, Till. Breathe. Breathe,” Eli begs as she hauls me around the side of the barn.
Tears burn down my cheeks, but I can’t stop them.
“What is going on, Till? What can I do?” she pleads. My sister pulls me into a hug, and I bury my face in her neck. “Shh, Tilly, shh. Honey, look at yourself. You love him,” she whispers. “Like really, really love him.”
I pull away and use my fingers to wipe the snot from under my nose before it hits my lips. Then I drag my hand through the grass because I have nowhere else to wipe it. I’m back to being disgusting, and I can’t help it.
“Ugh, sis. Gross. If this is what love does to you, count me out. Since when did you turn into a teenage boy?”
I laugh, blowing unladylike bubbles from my mouth before dropping to my knees. Eli falls down beside me, and we shift onto our backs. We lie head to head in the grass and stare at the early afternoon sky.
“There’s not even any clouds to look at.”
Turning my head, I stare into my sister’s eyes while my heart rate slowly returns to something that can almost be considered normal. “What do I do, E?”
“Oh, baby bird. I wish I could chew up the answers and regurgitate them.”
“God, E. Talk about being a teenage boy.” But her words do the trick because I laugh.
Eli reaches over and gives my hand a squeeze. “You might not like what I have to say.”