Page 60 of Romancing the Rumrunner
Jessie looked up at Tony, their eyes locked. He took half a step toward her but she shook her head.
It was over. The Feds had her. Tony had betrayed her. Her shop was gone. Let it be done. She turned her back on Tony and let the officer lead her away.
Chapter Nineteen
Tony stood outside Jessie’s hospital room until his legs started going numb. The guard posted outside her door gave him a few curious looks, but for the most part ignored him.
He’d been waiting since they’d brought her in hours ago, with nothing to do but run through every detail of the last several weeks in his mind. He’d been a damn fool. Yes, Jessie hadn’t been totally honest with him, but she’d had her reasons. She was nothing like Lucille. Nothing. Her lies, her evasiveness, even her involvement in the club, had all been for the good of others. There wasn’t an evil bone in her body. She would never have betrayed him as Lucille did.
No.Hewas the one who’d betrayed her. He’d known deep down that she was an innocent, that whatever she was mixed up in, it was for a good reason. And he’d turned her in anyway. He’d been so afraid of repeating past mistakes that he’d made a whole slew of new ones. Worse mistakes. Yes, the evidence had pointed to her being dirty. But his gut had told him the truth. But he’d been so afraid to screw up again he’d given up the woman he…he loved.
He sank to his haunches, leaning against the wall and letting his elbows rest on his knees, his head hanging. He didn’t care what she’d done, what sorts of lies she’d told. Despite all of it, he loved her. Loved her so much her absence was like a gaping hole in his shredded heart. She might be just on the other side of the wall, but she may as well have been thousands of miles away.
He’d lost her. He knew it. If he’d trusted his instincts, if he’d tried harder to gain her trust, find out what was really going on, or hell, even given her the chance to tell him her side of the story before he’d given her up to Jameson, then maybe he’d have a chance.
But he’d done none of those things. He’d let his fear and his past get in the way. And the price was Jessie.
Finally, Tony sighed and straightened up. She hated him. He knew that. He’d made a mess of things and she’d probably never forgive him. If she didn’t, he’d have to live with that. But he wanted her to know all the details before he walked out of her life for good. She deserved so much more, but he could give her that much at least.
He pushed her door open and let it close quietly behind him. She wasn’t asleep. She lay in the bed, looking somehow smaller than she had before. Her arm was wrapped up to the elbow. He pulled a chair over and sat by her bed. She kept her attention fixed on the window, on the rain that ran in tiny rivulets down the panes.
“Jessie?”
She didn’t answer.
Tony wracked his brain, not knowing how to start. How do you apologize for destroying someone’s life? “The doctors said your arm should heal well. You’ll get out of here soon.”
She gave a mirthless laugh. “Yes, but to go where? Home?” She finally looked at him and the haunted sadness in her eyes carved a hole in his heart. She looked back out the window. “I don’t even have a home to go to.”
“Jessie…”
A quiet sigh escaped her. “What do you want, Tony?”
“To talk.”
“I think everything that needed to be said has been said. Let’s just leave each other in peace.”
Tony shook his head. “You don’t know. I need you to understand why…”
She looked at him again, her eyes huge and bright in her pale face. “I don’t need to know why. It doesn’t matter.”
He wanted to gather her to him and just hold her.
“Yes, it does. I didn’t do this to hurt you, Jessie. I didn’t set out to destroy your life.”
“Didn’t you? You walked into my shop with the express purpose of getting as close to me as possible, romantically, if necessary, in order to get information on the Phoenix so you could arrest him and shut down his speakeasy. Right?”
Tony leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Yes,” he said, weariness coating the word.
“Then you’ll excuse me if I don’t believe you didn’t mean to destroy me, when that is exactly what you set out to do, by any means necessary. Only it wasn’t enough for you to just destroy my life. You had to destroy my heart, too.”
“I never wanted to hurt you, Jessie,” Tony said, nearly choking on his regret. “I’m sorry. I truly am.”
Jessie was silent for a moment. “You could have stopped it.”
“Yes. But I was too afraid of making another mistake.”
Jessie was quiet for a moment, then let out a small sigh. “Like the one that cost your partner his life?”
