Page 38 of Sin Deep
“That’s really hard, huh? I mean, being gay has been…like a defining thing.” And he knew it. It had been a shameful secret. Then it had been a defiant thing, almost angry.
Winter sighed. “When your survival depends on something it’s absolutely defining. But now you can live the way you want, so you have to take some time and listen to everything else your heart has been trying to say all this time.”
He felt—young, strangely, because this wasn’t a young person’s issue, but still, he did. He found himself staring into Winter’s eyes, almost dazed. “Do you think you can help me?”
Winter nodded. “I can help. You have to do the work because only you know what’s in your heart, but I can help. I’d like to help.”
“Thank you. I feel like I’m brand new again—I know it’s silly, but it’s true.”
“It’s not silly. If I’m hearing you right, you are in a way. You’ve gone from shame to anger to this place where you don’t have to be either.” Winter kissed his forehead and smiled. “I’m surprised you’re not terrified.”
“I’m probably too much of a dork to be terrified.”
Winter laughed. “You were lucky. You had Jackson’s place to go to, and Oliver is very sweet. And you’re not a stranger to work, clearly.”
“Lord no. I’m a point me and shoot me guy.” He moved closer and inhaled deep, jonesing on Winter’s scent.
“Mm.” Winter took a lazy kiss. “Are you going to have dinner with me for my birthday Friday?”
“I’m going to celebrate your gorgeous ass off.” He intended to make Winter’s birthday the best ever.
“Flatterer. My ass has seen better days. But I am looking forward to celebrating with you.”
“Your ass is perfect. Seriously.” He squeezed it, just gently.
Winter laughed. “Perfect, hm? How is it you make me feel both so young and so old at the same time? Part of me genuinely wants to help you, and part of me feels like I’m just starting out and learning right along with you.”
“I think that’s okay. I like learning together.” And he had no doubt there were things he could teach Winter. Like how to move a safe, and how to make dogs settle, even mean ones.
“Me too, petit. Especially like this.” Winter pulled him into a deep kiss, fingers sliding down his side.
Yes. Just like that.
Harley was very afraid getting into bed alone again was going to suck.
11
Winter reread the text Harley had sent him at work earlier. It just said, “Happy Birthday” and “pick you up at seven”. He asked what he should wear in reply, but the answer shed no light on whatever Harley’s plans were. “Whatever you want,” was far too vague for him to infer anything at all.
He put on dress pants, a shirt and tie, and his fortieth birthday boots, but now that he was looking at himself in the mirror, he wondered about the tie. Should he take it off? Something told him Harley wouldn’t have one, but he rather liked a nice tie.
Would Harley like him in a tie? Truth be told that was all that mattered.
There was something about Harley that made Winter feel ten feet tall, seen, cared about. It was a heady sensation, but rather like looking down from a skyscraper—exhilarating but dangerous.
He did need to be careful. He knew how to be a comfort for Harley and how to light the boy up with a touch, but he knew nothing of Harley’s story or background. Not really. He could misstep at any moment.
Hopefully not on his birthday, however. He never celebrated his birthday with anyone, and he thought the deeper questions could be avoided for tonight.
A knock sounded on his door, and Winter thought it sounded happy, eager. He shook his head at himself. He was being silly.
Of course, when he opened the door, he found his lover in his finest cowboy clothes, carrying brightly wrapped presents, a huge bouquet of flowers, balloons, and a cake box tied with a bow.
He smiled happily, Harley’s thoughtfulness making him flush warm all over. “My goodness. Look at you! Look at all of this. So handsome. Come in, come in.”
“Happy birthday!” Harley sang to him, handing him his flowers and balloons. The bouquet was beautiful—all different colors, with the scent of roses redolent in the air.
“Oh, Harley. This is magnificent. Your flowers are stunning. So cheerful.” He hadn’t held a balloon in—forever. He hadn’t smiled this hard in forever either. He ducked around all the things Harley was still carrying to kiss the boy’s cheek. “We should… I need to put these in some water. Come in the kitchen.”
