Page 37 of Sin Deep
“You’re right, petit. It makes me shiver a little.”
“Yeah.” He rubbed the tip, his own body shivering like Winter was touching him.
Winter caught him by the nape and tugged on him, pulling his mouth close to replace his fingers. Oh, he could so do that. He moaned and opened up, tongue dragging over Winter’s flesh, drawing it up.
“Mmm. Yes, petit.” Winter leaned back in the pillows and stretched like a lazy cat in the sun. “That is lovely, but do we need to get you to bed? When do you need to leave in the morning? Earlier than I do I’m sure.”
“I have to be out of here by seven, so not early-early.” And he could lose sleep for Winter.
“We have a little time then.” Winter drew long fingers through his hair.
“Mmm…” He hummed softly, the air vibrating between them, before he licked again.
Winter sighed. “Do you have any fantasies, petit? I would love to know them. Find out what turns you on, even if it’s only thoughts.”
Oh, that was hard to say, because nobody wanted to say something that his partner would think was nasty or evil or gross. It was like opening yourself right up and saying, here are the weird, wet bits. “That’s kind of scary. I don’t want to seem boring or like an axe murderer, either one.”
“I’ve heard it all, petit. I belong to a kinky club, remember? I promise I won’t judge.”
“I like sucking, you know that. When I jack off, I think about that a lot. I think about tattoos and stuff—not just one or two, but a lot, you know?”
“Mm. Ink is nice. Getting them or being with someone that has them?” Winter just sounded curious.
“Less getting them, more having them. You know, being…sexual.” Being someone different, being someone special.
Winter nodded. “Do you not see yourself as sexual?”
“I mean, I like sex, but I’m not the guy you look at and think, ‘sexy’. I’m strong, but I’m short—if you’re short, guys expect twinky, yeah?”
“Some do, that’s true. But, if it matters, that’s not what I see, when I look at you.” He felt Winter’s cock shift and press into his thigh as if to make a point.
“I’m glad.” He didn’t see it, but he didn’t have to. Winter did. In fact, Winter made him see it in himself.
“I see endlessly deep, dark eyes. Mmm.” Winter hummed and went on. “I see a strong body that works hard. I see capable hands, and thick, proud cock.”
His cheeks were burning, but he couldn’t stop his smile. “You made my eyes look like they belonged to a stranger. It was…something else.”
“But it wasn’t a stranger, it was you. That beautiful boy is you, petit.”
“I felt like a stranger, a little bit. I felt like I didn’t have to—” He stopped, because he didn’t have to follow anyone’s rules, but he had still felt like he was following…different rules.
“Didn’t have to what, petit? You can tell me. This is just between us. I hope you know that.” Winter pushed him onto his side and rolled to face him. “These things are complicated for everyone.”
“I was like someone—not different, but different. I don’t know how to explain it right, but I felt…free, somehow?”
“Sometimes if we feel like someone else we feel like we have permission to do things that don’t feel right when we’re…just ourselves. Hm? We lose the chains.”
Harley huffed out a relieved breath. Winter did understand. Thank god. “Yeah. Yeah, just like that.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that; it’s wonderful actually. You can make up new rules. Your own rules.” Winter’s fingers were exploring gently while they talked, nothing sexual, just a warm touch.
“I like that you sort of hear me. I was thinking that—about the rules. I grew up with one set, and I have another set now, but…maybe there can be more than one.”
Winter winked at him. “Yes, of course there can be more than one. But why make things confusing? Let go of the ones that don’t work anymore. They can change as you want them to.”
“I’m trying. I used to pray that god would forgive me for being gay. Now I figure that’s bullshit. I’m not bad for being gay. This is me.” And he’d never, ever said that out loud before. Never. Fuck.
“Correct. You are who you are. If god created you, how could he not love everything you are? It doesn’t make sense. I have a complicated relationship with god myself, and I think that’s okay too. We’re each on our own journey. Your journey has brought you here to New York, where being gay doesn’t define you; it’s just one part of who you are. So now, you can hold your head high and concentrate on the person the rest of you wants to be.”
