Page 43 of Someone Exactly Like Me (Wounded Hearts 1)
“Holy shit.” I withdraw my hand and take her hand from my thigh, holding it in both of mine. “Tell me what to do. How do I help you? Do we need to get off? I can yell down to them.”
She gazes forward again, breathing in deeply, focused. “No.” She releases the breath. “I’ll be okay.” She continues her focused breathing as her body continues trembling. “It’s okay.” She nods trying to assure me, but I’m freaking out.
“What can I do? I want to help you.”
She exhales. “When we spin down —” She inhales. “I want to get off.” She exhales, shuddering, then clutches our clasped hands to her chest. Her other hand has a death-grip on the pig and is curled into her stomach. I sit closer to her, putting my arm around her shoulders, trying to make her feel safe. “Until then, there’s really nothing you can do.” She inhales. “I’m so sorry about this.” She shakes her head vigorously, inhaling and exhaling, rocking her body back and forth.
“Please. No. It’s okay. I’m here.” I stroke her arm.
Finally, the wheel begins moving. As we get closer to the bottom, I shout to the operator.
“Excuse me, sir! We need to get off right now!”
Thankfully, he hears me and slows the wheel as we approach the bottom.
The operator opens the gondola door.
“Thank you so much,” I say, getting out and holding my hands out for her.
“Man, is she okay? Do I need to call an ambulance?”
“No, I’m fine,” she says breathlessly as she trembles, sweat glistening on her face. “It’s just a panic attack, I know how to manage it.” She breathes. “Thank you for stopping for us.” She breathes. “I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”
“It’s fine, ma’am. You feel better now.”
Wrapping my arm around her tiny, shaking body, I walk us to a bench. She clutches my other hand into her.
I sit her on the bench, release her, and squat down in front of her. “Destiny, what can I do?”
“I’d love some cold water.” The quaver in her voice rips at me. I don’t want to leave her, but I want to help her.
“Okay, I’ll be right back. Stay here.”
As I rise, she clasps her hands together tightly around the pig in her lap, her shoulders hunched inward. My heart aches. I quickly find the closest place that sells water and return to her. Opening the bottle, I hand it to her. She takes it with her trembling hands and the water spills out and down her arms.
“Oh gosh, I’m sorry.”
I take the bottle from her and sit next to her. Putting the bottle to her lips, I slowly tilt it into her mouth. She sucks it in.
“Destiny, please, stop apologizing. It’s okay. I just want to understand what’s happening to you so I can help you.”
“I’ll tell you.” She breathes. “I just need to focus on my breathing —” she inhales, “and calm my heart rate. I didn’t bring my emergency medicine.”
Taking the water bottle in both of her hands, she puts it up to her lips and sips. I sit quietly as she closes her eyes and breathes. I feel helpless. Still with her eyes closed, she reaches out to hold my hand, gripping it tightly. I slide closer to her. As the minutes pass and she breathes in and out, seeming to follow a rhythm, the tremors begin fading.
Loosening her grip on my hand, she releases a long sigh and opens her eyes. Her shoulders relax down and the color comes back to her skin. Her breathing is normal again.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m okay.” Her nod assures me.
“Are you afraid of heights?”
She giggles. “No, I’m not afraid of heights. I started having panic attacks about four years ago, but I haven’t had one in a long time. That’s why I don’t have my emergency medicine with me, I haven’t needed it.”
“Why did that happen to you?”
“I’m not sure, to be honest. Usually for me it’s a claustrophobic thing. Like, I’m not in control of what’s happening. The first time I had one, I was on an airplane and I explained to the flight attendant that I wanted to get off the plane,that instant. Well, we were in the air and getting off the plane obviously wasn’t possible. I remained calm as I was telling her what was happening, but inside, my heart was racing, my body was vibrating, it felt like all the muscles in my body were seizing, and I thought I was dying. It was the most scared I’ve ever been in my life.”
