Page 7 of Then and Now (The Edge of Retaliation 3)
In all our time together, we’ve rarely mentioned the big elephant in the room, the fact that I’m married. He knows it. I obviously know it. Everyone knows it, but nobody mentions it, except Callie, of course. She’s not afraid to remind me of the dangerous situation I’m putting myself in feeling the way I feel about Tatum.
I can’t help it.
I don’t act on it, but I can’t help it.
He brings out something in me, something I can’t explain. There is a connection that runs so deep, I never thought something like it could actually exist. I thought people just told people they had that kind of connection so they didn’t feel left out in the world. Turns out that’s not the case at all. It’s real, and it’s terrifying.
“I’d never want to be in a situation like this with him,” I tell Tatum, and it’s the truth.
I don’t lie.
If someone asks me something, I’m always going to give them an honest answer.
Always.
Even if the answer is wrong.
“Why?” he asks.
I pause at my sawing for a second and think of the best way to answer that. I don’t want to insult Pat, because regardless of what a dick he can be, he’s also been pretty good to me in the past, I mean, he did take care of me for a long time and gave me everything I’ve got, however he’s also an incredibly hard man to live with. His power gets the better of him.
“Because Pat isn’t the same kind of man as you,” I answer.
“How so?”
I keep working at the rope, shifting as my legs are starting to ache. “He’s not strong, Tatum. He’s powerful, he knows how to make money and he knows how to spend it. He’s clean and he’s tidy, but he’s not made for something like this. He’d freak out, he’d yell, he’d probably even beg, but he wouldn’t be smart enough to find a way out. This isn’t the kind of situation Patrick could handle.”
Tatum goes quiet again.
Then he asks, “Why did you marry him?”
Ah, the dreaded question of why?
Don’t we all want the answers to that? Hell, I want the damn answers to that, and yet I find myself unable to get them half the time.
“Because I was young, and our families got along, and it was the perfect marriage. I thought it was what I wanted. A rich husband, a good life, comfortable and easy. It seemed like everything. I learned very quickly it wasn’t.”
“Gotta live, too. Gotta feel the world beneath your toes. Gotta breathe in the air of every country. Gotta feel the burn in your belly when you’re with someone that makes your soul feel alive. That’s what living is. That’s what makes you put one foot in front of the other.”
God, is he right about that.
So damned right my chest clenches.
That’s what he makes me feel, like I could take on the whole world. Like I could feel passion burning deep in my belly. Like I could be anything I wanted to be, without hesitation.
Dammit.
God dammit.
I clench my eyes shut and take a shaky breath, before telling him, “I’m stuck.”
“With him?”
“Yeah.”
“You’re never stuck, Jo. Not ever.”
“He’ll make my life hell if I leave, he’ll take everything I’ve worked for.”
“Not if you’re smart. Not if you stand tall and don’t let him. You don’t stay forever in an unhappy situation just because it’s hard. You’re stronger than that, I fuckin’ know you are.”
Tears burn under my eyelids, because he’s right, I know he’s right. Just like I know Callie has been right all this time. I’m terrified of leaving, that’s the real truth. Terrified of all the drama that’ll come with it. Terrified of letting my family down. Terrified of entering this world alone when I’ve had everything.
Terrified.
The rope snaps. A loud breaking sound that makes me jerk backward. I did it. I cut through it. I make a gasping sound and say, “It snapped!”
Tatum makes a relieved sound, no doubt as he stretches his legs apart. “You fuckin’ did it!” he praises and my heart swells.
“Give me the nail for a bit, I’ll get it off the wall now that it’s easier to move around.”
I hand it to him, and his fingers curl around mine for a moment, and we fall into silence, “Thank you, honey,” he murmurs.
My heart dies.
It just fucking dies.
Because I want to hear those words every day for the rest of my life.
Coming from his mouth.
With his hands curled around mine.
Damn you, Fate.
Just for once, I wish you’d make things easy.
Just once.
4
CALLIE
“When are we going?” I ask, pacing the room, my body aching from overdoing it far more than I should have been.
“When you have a fuckin’ sleep and we make sure we’ve got this down. If we don’t do it right, we’ll fuck everything up a second time. We don’t just go in guns blazing. Now sit down, woman.”
