Page 28 of Then and Now (The Edge of Retaliation 3)
I rush to the front door, just as Tanner calls, “Callie, wait.”
I don’t stop.
I hurry out and to the street, just wanting to get the hell out of there. Reality is crushing, it really is, and it’ll bring you down at times when you think maybe everything might work out. It’ll remind you that you’re living a lie, that it won’t work out, that you’re never going to have what it is you want so desperately.
“Callie!” Tanner yells, grabbing my arm and spinning me around. “Stop, fuck.”
“Let me go, Tanner. I need to leave.”
“You heard what we just said, didn’t you?”
“Yes, and she’s right. She’s right. What the hell are we doing here? Living some fantasy life? Pretending that we’ll be forever okay with the damage we’ve inflicted on one another? This fantasy is just that … a fantasy.”
“It has been a hard night, and you’re upset. Don’t react because you’re fuckin’ breakin’ right now.”
“Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t hold some resentment toward me for what happened to Celia. Even though you know the full story, tell me you don’t look at me and still think, deep down, that if I was watching, she could still possibly be here? Tell me that, and I’ll let this go.”
“Callie …”
“Answer me, Tanner.”
He exhales and closes his eyes.
I don’t need him to answer.
That action right there is my answer.
“Then she’s right, isn’t she?” I whisper, tears rolling down my cheeks.
I turn and disappear into the darkness.
He doesn’t follow me.
He knows she’s right.
I do, too.
“OH GOD, THANK GOD, I was so worried about you,” Jo says, rushing over as soon as I step through the front door. She throws her arms around me, holding onto me tightly, and I welcome it.
The last three hours of my life, I’ve thought about everything, I’ve gone over everything, I’ve picked it all apart and put it back together again. I’ve faced reality head on. I’ve been completely honest with myself.
Even if honesty feels like a knife to the heart right now.
“Where were you?” she asks, stepping back and holding my shoulders. “I saw what Tanner’s dad did to Chase, I was so worried about how your night went.”
“I went for a drive, found somewhere to sit and thought about everything,” I say, my voice thick and full of emotion. “It was a horrible night, and eye opening in so many ways.”
“Sit down, I’ll make you a cup of tea and we can talk about it.”
“Actually, Jo, I need to talk to you, it’s important.”
She stares at me, her face showing the concern she’s feeling. “Is everything okay?”
“Can we sit?”
She nods, and we head in and sit on the sofa. I twist my body to face her and think about how the hell I’m going to get all of this out without breaking again. My heart feels like it’s lying under a heavy truck, and my stomach twists every few seconds to remind me that I’m going to hurt like hell once I’ve done what I’m about to do.
“You’re starting to scare me, Callie. What happened tonight?”
I briefly go over what happened with Mr. and Mrs. Yates, and what I heard after, and then I tell her what Tanner said when I confronted him about it. She listens, not saying anything, but I can see by the look on her face that she’s feeling hurt for me. I can’t say I blame her; it was a horrid night.
“Okay,” she says, when I’m done telling her the events. “So you went and thought about everything. What exactly are you about to tell me?”
I exhale and tell her the decision I’ve come up with. “I’m leaving, Jo.”
She shakes her head in confusion. “Pardon me?”
“I’m moving away. Where, I don’t know, but somewhere far away from here. From the memories. From the pain. From the constant reminder of what and who I am. I’m starting my life anew. For more than one reason.”
She looks shocked. “You’re leaving? As in, forever?”
“Yes, as in forever.”
“What about Tanner?”
My heart twists, and I look at her with an expression that tells her my answer.
“You love him, don’t you, honey?” she asks, her voice soft.
“I’m falling in love with him, yes,” I answer. “But his mom was right, he’ll forever see me as the girl who killed his sister, even if he doesn’t want to. One big fight, and it’ll come up. Not to mention, his family will never accept me. What if we fell in love and got married, I’d always be that person at the family cookouts, the one who ruined everything. I can’t live with that. I just can’t.”
“If you leave, honey, if you just run … It’s going to break you apart.”
“It already is,” I whisper, my eyes burning with tears, even though I was sure I’d gotten rid of them all. “But there is another reason I’m doing this …”
