Page 9 of Then and Now (The Edge of Retaliation 3)
“We get Chase out and return with him, everyone finds out what really happened to Celia, and it’s goin’ to rip open so many wounds. It’s goin’ to break hearts, it’s goin’ to make it feel like it has happened all over again.”
It’s my turn to close my eyes. “I’m sorry, Tanner. I’m the one who wants justice more than anyone, and bringing Chase home gives me that, but I never really thought of what it’ll do to your family.”
“Chase needs to face it,” he tells me, curling his arm around my waist and pulling me into him, a soft hug, so soft it won’t hurt me. “You shouldn’t be sorry about that. You spent a long time suffering for his actions.”
I press my cheek to his chest and just breathe him in. For a moment, I just forget the world and think only about us, standing here, right now, even after everything we’ve both been through.
I never thought I could look at Tanner and actually feel the way I feel after what he did, but here I am, feeling all the feelings for a man who has caused me so much pain, but in return, I’ve caused him so much, too. We’ve both lived in a world full of hurt caused by the other person.
Yet here he is, with his arms around me, hanging onto me like he never wants to imagine a single moment without me in his life.
“I have to go,” he murmurs against my hair. “Please, if you can, rest. Tomorrow, it’s goin’ to change everythin’. Feel it now. No matter how it ends, we’ll all be forever changed by the outcome. So sleep, darlin’. If you can do anythin’ for me, sleep.”
He pulls back and I tip my head, looking up at him. “Okay,” I say softly.
“Good girl.”
He leans down, pressing a kiss to my forehead, then he’s gone.
I wonder if he’s right.
Tomorrow, will we be forever changed?
I guess we’re going to find out.
“WHAT ARE YOU THINKING about?” Ethan asks, shocking me from my silence later that night.
I’m sitting on the small balcony in our room, cup of tea in hand, staring out at the bright city lights. There is a cool breeze trickling through, making my skin shiver every now and then. I woke up after sleeping all afternoon to find Tanner sleeping soundly beside me. I didn’t want to leave, I wanted to curl into him and stay there forever, but I got up so he could get some well-deserved rest.
It’s late now, and I’m surprised to see Ethan awake.
He takes the other chair and sits down, putting his feet up on the balcony railing and leaning back in the chair, exhaling.
“I’m thinking about what’s going to happen tomorrow afternoon,” I tell him. “Tanner said no matter what happens, we’re going to be forever changed come the following day, and I think he’s right. It doesn’t matter which way it goes, we’re all going to be different. We all have big demons to face.”
“You’re right about that,” Ethan says. “We certainly do. Have you thought about what’s going to happen if we get them out safe and go home?”
“Yeah, over and over again. That’s the best of the thoughts, and it’s still a terrifying one. It means facing everyone, including Celia’s family, it means finishing a chapter of my life I never thought I’d see the end of.”
“How do you think her family will react to the news of you and Tanner?”
I sigh. “I think about that the most. I don’t even know if there is a me and Tanner, but I do know that if I were Celia’s family, I wouldn’t like the idea of it.”
Ethan nods, shifting in the chair. “They’re good people, but they’re broken people. Sometimes broken people don’t see things clearly.”
He’s right about that. I know, because I’m one of them and so is Tanner. It’s hard to see things clearly when you’re clouded by pain and anguish. I don’t want to cause them any more pain but at the same time, I need to close this door or it’ll forever haunt me, and I’m tired of Celia’s name hanging over my head every step I take.
With every good deed comes sacrifice.
With all good feelings comes pain.
That’s just life, right?
“Either way this goes,” I finally answer Ethan, “it’ll cause someone pain. If they’re not okay when we find them tomorrow, we’ll all be broken, if they are okay and we get them out, we have to go home and face the music.”
“Yeah, then there’s the men we’re about to mess with again.”
Right. I don’t even want to think about that, because the very thought of it terrifies me. I mean, the fact is that unless they kill them, then they’re going to come after us eventually, even if we do go home. The idea of them killing makes me shudder. Do they have it in them? Even then, is it enough to walk away safely? I doubt it. You shed blood, you never have clean hands.
