Page 43 of Then and Now (The Edge of Retaliation 3)
Why is this happening?
Just when everything was going well.
For the first time in my life.
Of course I should know better than to trust that things are good.
Fate hates me.
That much is abundantly clear.
When will it end?
A KNOCK AT MY DOOR has my head lifting just as it cracks open and Tanner steps inside with a something in his hand wrapped in a washcloth. “Peas,” he says, holding it up. “You need to get that swelling down.’
I don’t say anything, I just stare down at my hands from my spot on the bed, legs folded, face aching, hair wet from the shower I took to try and clean up so I didn’t have to go back out there and face them. Him.
Always him.
Tanner walks over and sits on the end of the bed, so close to me I have to clamp my lips together to stop the little gasp escaping. My heart kicks up a notch, and my whole body becomes immediately aware of him. It’s always this way when Tanner is in the same room as me. It’s like my body craves him, even when I’m angry.
He reaches over slowly, moving a strand of damp hair from my face and tucking it behind my ear, then he reaches over and places the ice bag against my cheek. I flinch, because it hurts like hell. It really does. My head is pounding from being hit with that gun, thrown on the ground and dragged back up by my hair.
“Got some good painkillers, you need them?”
I nod, still staring at my hands.
“What happened, Callie? Gotta know.”
Of course that’s the only reason he’s in here.
Of course it is.
“I was getting into my car,” I say softly, “and someone came up behind me, holding a gun to me …”
My voice trembles, and I pause for a minute, wringing my fingers together and searching for calm.
“He said I had to go with him. I tried to get away … and he hit me, pulled my hair … then a security guard came. If it wasn’t for him hearing me scream, that man would have taken me. He ran off and the security guard was going to call the police but …”
I finally look up to Tanner, and he’s staring at me, listening intently. My heart races just connecting with those incredible brown eyes.
“I ran,” I finish, looking away. “I wasn’t thinking, I just wanted to get out of there. I was so scared if the police were called, it would make them even angrier. I know I screwed up, but I … I don’t know, my mind wasn’t working.”
“It’s okay, nothin’ you can do about it now. Did he say anything else?”
I shake my head.
He goes silent for a moment, and then he reaches down for my wrist, making me flinch. He lifts it slowly and turns it over, revealing my new tattoo. He stares at it for a moment then slowly runs his thumb over Celia’s name.
“It’s her birthday tomorrow,” he murmurs, his voice husky with emotion.
“It is?” I whisper.
“Yeah. It is. Hard to celebrate when nobody understands how fuckin’ hard it is. Madeline doesn’t get it, which isn’t her fault, but sometimes you need someone to get it.”
“I get it,” I say, my voice soft.
“Yeah,” he says, standing. “Yeah I know. It’s a damn shame, isn’t it?”
With that, he turns and walks out.
Dammit.
One step forward, three steps backward.
There is no middle ground with Tanner and me. There is so much water under the bridge it’s hard to let things go. I wish I could say everything I’m feeling to him, but I just don’t know how. He’s so angry at me, so hurt and so disappointed. I no longer know how to communicate without making things worse.
But with Celia’s birthday being tomorrow, I know he needs someone to understand. Even if it’s just for a minute.
Maybe I’ll do something for him, something that means a lot. Like get Jo to give him a tattoo from me. Something to represent the sister he lost, the sister he still hurts so heavily over. She is always going to be on this cloud right above Tanner’s and my heads, always floating there, never totally going away. Occasionally, she will rain on us. Occasionally, she brings the sun. Most of the time, she brings a storm.
A storm that forever has us crashing together and then ripped apart again.
I’m in love with Tanner Yates, there is no point denying it anymore. I can’t. I try to, but the truth is, every single time I’m with him, all I can think about is how much I want him, even after all this time. I’m angry, and I’m hurt, but that doesn’t cover the ache of love in my heart that I so desperately want to bring forward.
He hates me.
He has every right to hate me.
