Page 21 of Then and Now (The Edge of Retaliation 3)
I’m an idiot. An absolute idiot.
I shouldn’t have come here. What was I expecting? That he’d be here waiting for me, too?
Doubtful.
“Oh, hi,” she says, her voice so damned beautiful it’s nearly nicer than she is. It’s like a fucking song.
Why can’t I have a song voice?
I probably sound like a man.
“Hi,” I say back, because clearly right now it’s too late to run the hell away.
I’ll look like an idiot then.
My mind starts racing as I think about fifty different reasons why I’m here, why I’m standing at Tatum’s door looking like I’m some desperate teenager in love.
“Are you here for someone?” she asks, tipping her head to the side and studying me.
“Oh, ah, yeah I was looking for Tanner. Is he home?”
Liar.
Big fat liar.
What was I to say?
Certainly not the truth.
“Oh, Tanner isn’t home at the moment. Tatum is, though. Did you want me to let him know you’re here?”
Oh, god.
So she is with Tatum.
My heart sinks, a pitiful dip into my chest that hurts me far more than I’m willing to admit. Images of the two of them making love, his big body moving over hers, his full lips caressing her skin attack my mind and the deep emptiness in my stomach just sinks in harder.
A tear rolls down my cheek.
I didn’t feel it. I didn’t even know it was there. It sneaks up on me, betraying everything I’m trying so hard not feel right now.
Another one follows in its path, rolling down my cheeks.
My bottom lip trembles.
A wave of emotion I can’t control washes over my body.
There is no stopping it, I’m not even going to try.
I know my attempts with be futile.
“Gosh, are you okay?” she asks, her eyes widening. “Do you want me to get Tatum? Do you want to come in? I was just leaving, but I’m happy to stay if you need someone to talk to?”
God dammit, she’s nice, too.
That doesn’t help.
Not at all.
“I’m okay,” I lie, my voice thick and filled with pain and confusion.
I don’t know who to turn to right now.
I don’t have a good husband, my friend is dealing with her own war, and the man I want to talk to has a woman over so is clearly on a whole different level to me.
That means I’m alone.
I have no one.
For the first time in my life, I have nothing.
“Jo?”
A familiar voice has my head lifting, I didn’t even realize I’d started looking at the ground, or that my tears were dripping onto the floor. Tatum is standing at the door, shirtless. Of course he’s shirtless, he just made love to the most beautiful woman in the world.
Here I was thinking I had a chance.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come,” I say, my voice croaky and thick.
I turn and walk down the front path, my tears flowing harder until my shoulders start shaking with sobs.
I can’t stop it.
I’m not even sure I want to.
“Jo!”
Tatum’s voice echoes through the night.
I keep walking.
A moment later, a big hand curls around my shoulder, stopping me, and he spins me around to face him. I don’t look at him, I keep my head low. I don’t want to argue or seem pathetic. I don’t even know what the hell I’m doing here to start with. I just know that I’m scared, and I’m broken, and I need someone.
Something.
“Look at me,” Tatum orders, placing his hand on my chin and forcing my head backward. In a gentle way, of course.
I look up at him, through my blurred vision, and a big sob tears through my body, making me feel even more pathetic than I look.
“Hey,” he says in a voice so damned warm and kind it only makes it that much worse. “Hey, what’s going on?”
“I’m sorry,” I manage. “I shouldn’t have come.”
“Jo.”
“I’ll go. I didn’t mean to interrupt your evening.”
“Jo.”
“I didn’t know you were seeing someone. I don’t even know why I came here.”
“Jo.”
“If you’ll forget I was ever here.”
“Dammit, Jo, fuckin’ listen to me.”
I stop talking and with the most gentle approach I’ve ever had in my life, he reaches over, swipes my hair away from my wet cheeks, and wipes my tears off with his thumb. Making me feel a warmth that I’ve never felt from a man before. Making me feel a love I didn’t honestly think existed.
“You didn’t walk in on anything. I’m not seeing anyone. She’s a friend, and that’s the fuckin’ honest truth. Never fucked her in my life, known her since we were kids. She was comin’ to see how we went with the trip. You can come here anytime you want, do you hear me? Any fuckin’ time you want. You don’t have to ask. You don’t have to call. Nothin’ and I mean fuckin’ nothin’, is more important than you.”
I hiccup.
Then sob.
“Come on, let’s go inside.”
