Page 115 of Pas de Trois
Slowly, he turns the knob. He steps forward as he cracks the door open gradually, blocking my view as he peeks in. I expect that we’ll creep into the room and I’ll see my baby for the first time, asleep in his crib.
But then Ezra speaks, and I feel nauseous. “Hey, bud, why aren’t you sleeping?”
And then follows the sound I know I will treasure more than any other sound heard for the rest of my days…my baby, babbling back at Ezra.
Oh, God.
The sheer joyfulness of the sound is so intense that it sinks inside my gut and my body curls around my stomach. It’s joy that grips me entirely, shooting like a burst of lightning from the pit of my stomach, like a starburst blasting its rays outward to the rest of my body. It forces tears to rise and spill and threatens to drop me to my knees.
But Ezra slips his arm around my waist and pulls me inside the room, shutting the door behind us. He lets me go with a quick rub over the small of my back and I slump against the wall behind me as I blink through the waterfall spilling from my eyes.
I have to concentrate. I have to focus to watch what’s happening as my breath quickens toward hyperventilation. I don’t want to miss a moment of this excruciating joy.
Brandon’s standing in his crib, smiling a toothless grin that sets my world on fire. He reaches his tiny arms into the air, eagerly waiting for Ezra to pluck him from his bed, but he loses his balance when he lets go of the side, falling backward onto his butt. He pulls himself up again with his hands on the rail and his knees bounce with energy.
Ezra reaches for him, grips him beneath the armpits, and lifts him. He pulls Brandon close against his chest and that’s when my knees buckle beneath me.
I fall to kneel on the floor.
Ezra crosses to me quickly, dropping to one knee, still holding Brandon tight to his side. “Are you okay?”
I nod through my tears. “I’m okay. It’s just a lot.”
His voice is soft and comforting. “I know. Just sit down there. Brandon will sit on your lap.”
“He will?”
It feels so surreal.
“Yeah, of course.” He looks at Brandon and smiles. “You’ll sit with Mommy, won’t you, buddy?”
Brandon coos.
Ezra sniffles and I see the sheen forming over his eyes.
If he cries, I don’t stand a chance.
“This is your mommy,” he says. “She’s the best person you’ll ever know.” He moves to sit beside me as I sit with my back against the wall, both of us stretching our legs out.
I look over at Brandon and smile, quickly wiping away the tears from my cheeks with the backs of my hands. He looks at me with curiosity, blinking his bright green eyes. They’re the same vibrant green as Ezra’s and equally bewitching, actually more so. One look at him and I’m hopelessly in love. My smile for him brightens and after a few moments, he smiles back.
And then the most perfect thing happens.
Brandon reaches for me.
I gasp as the most unexplainable kind of happiness spreads warmth through my entire body. Ezra lifts him and shifts him over, sitting his bottom on my lap. I grip beneath his arms and hold him delicately with him facing me as his tiny legs spread across my thighs on either side.
“Hi, baby,” I say quietly, afraid of my own voice. “I’m your mommy.” My voice cracks and a joyful sob breaks through. I push a smile through my cheeks as Ezra’s hand sneaks around my back and I lean into him.
Oh, God.
I’ve never felt this way before.
I feel like…
“I feel like I’m finally home.”
Ezra turns his head and presses his lips to my cheek before a shallow sob hitches in his chest. He turns his head and nuzzles his face into the side of my neck.
“We’re all finally home,” he says.
