Page 79 of Pas de Trois
I feel violated in a way I never thought possible.
Is this what Anya felt every time she was raped?
As soon as I think about it, tears creep down my cheeks and a broken sob escapes me. This is vulnerability in its rawest form, and though I despise the way it makes me feel, my breakdown is because of what I feel for my blue-eyed girl.
Renata climbs off me when she’s done. She smooths down her gown and covers her naked chest as she pulls the straps back onto her shoulders. She bends and grabs my boxer briefs from the floor, tossing them at me carelessly as she slinks across the room to straighten her appearance in the mirror.
My heart empties of substance and collapses in on itself, sinking inside me like a black hole. It feels like a void that all the best parts of me circle around, constantly in threat of being sucked inside it and lost forever.
Did Anya’s heart hollow out like this every time they raped her?
My girl is the strongest person on the face of this Earth. She’s survived against insurmountable odds. She’s stared death in the face, and though she’s been tempted to chase it, she’s found a way to stay strong and endure the shitshow that was forced upon her. She survived through this awful feeling of rawness, brokenness, hopelessness—and still found a way to love me.
She loves me.
But I don’t deserve it.
Luca drops my bound hands after Renata gives him a quick nod. I grab my underwear in my lap and stand, pulling it on as quickly as I can because I urgently need that barrier of protection. I never would’ve thought that underwear could be this damn important to me.
“I suppose you were right,” Renata says, turning around to face me again. “I think I will tell Anya about what we’ve done. I’m sure she’ll enjoy knowing you came inside another woman.”
She chuckles and a burning rage rinses away my own pain in favor of delivering it to her. Before I can think about the consequences of my actions, I charge for her. I hear Luca shout at me, but I’m faster than he is. I barrel into Renata’s back, shoving her down to the floor. She manages to roll from her stomach to her back before I slam to my knees, straddling her tiny waist.
My hands are still bound at the wrists, but that doesn’t stop me from wrapping my fingers around her throat. I want to snap it in two. I squeeze hard in my rage, my thumbs finding the hollow of her throat and pressing down hard. I hope I collapse her fucking windpipe. She gasps and writhes beneath me, her eyes popping wide as her slender fingers scratch at mine, trying to claw me away.
I throttle her until I can’t anymore, until Luca rips me away from her and slams me to the floor instead. I kick and swing my arms. My bound fists collide with the side of his face, knocking him sideways to the floor. I scramble to get up, to get to Renata in my blind rage.
But then lightning strikes through my neck, the shock of my collar seizing control of my limbs as Renata presses the button on the remote she got to just in the nick of time. She holds it down, longer than she ever has before, ensuring that my body is nice and limp so she can control me.
I’m still on my back on the floor, watching her huff and puff to catch her breath as she stands above me. I don’t know if my face muscles are responding yet, but internally, I smile seeing the red marks on her throat and the spots that will turn into bruises before long.
She clears her throat. “Lorenzo,” she says to herself. “Luca, take him in the hallway.”
Shit.
She storms to the door, flinging it open wide, marching out of the room, screaming, “Lorenzo!” before pounding on his door, which I know to be three doors down the hall.
Luca grabs beneath my arms, dragging me along the carpet as he spits out a string of words in Italian—I don’t have to know the words to know that he’s cursing at me.
My limbs start to tingle as feeling slowly comes back as I’m dragged out into the hallway to face Renata’s wrath. The hallway quickly fills with people hearing the commotion and suddenly, I feel small.
Renata Vittori has stripped me of my pride, my self-worth, my confidence. And as my eyes lock on Anya’s coming from the far end of the hallway with a look of shock and fear on her face, I feel utterly undeserving of her love.
