Page 53 of Inked Temptation
“I’m currently standing in front of his building. I need to go up a flight of stairs and knock on his door. I hope to hell he doesn’t close it in my face.”
“Did you hurt him?” she asked, her voice low, but I wasn’t sure if there was a warning in there or sadness. I wasn’t sure which one I wanted to hear. “What do you want from him?”
“To say I’m sorry.”
“If you didn’t hurt him, not in that way, then what do you have to be sorry for?”
“Are you saying I shouldn’t be sorry?
“I’m saying you should have a better answer than that when Archer asks. And you should have a plan. For example, do you want to see him again? Because driving an hour to him in the evening just to say I’m sorry when you don’t want to see him again is kind of sending mixed signals.”
“I haven’t dated or been with anyone since Danielle. You know that, Penny.”
Penny sighed, and I heard the hurt in her voice, even if she tried to hide it. “I know. You’ve been hurting yourself longer than anyone would ever think you should.”
“I’m not hurting myself. I’m just living as who I need to be.”
“That’s a bunch of horse crap, and you know it. Danielle wouldn’t want you to be like this. I didn’t know her, but I know you enough to realize that you wouldn’t have loved a woman that would want you to hurt this way. Live your life. Even if Archer is just for this mere moment of that life, if he brings you something other than profound sadness, then it is something worth trying for. And if tonight is just you apologizing and walking away, then that is something that you lived for. Something that you did. It’s no longer you just going through the motions. But figure out what that is. I promise you it’ll be worth it.”
“I don’t know how to do this, Penny.”
“I never figured it out either. But you’re the strong one, Killian. You can do it. And Cora is on my lap right now, agreeing with me. Good luck, Killian. I believe in you.”
Cora barked, and I smiled before I hung up and sighed.
What should I do? I should probably have figured this out before I’d driven out here. I’d had the entire hour to think, but all I could try to formulate was how to say I was sorry for hurting Archer. I hadn’t thought beyond that. Because my brain wouldn’t let me.
My phone buzzed again, and I answered. “What is it, Penny? Do you have any more wise words for me?”
“I’m glad that you answer Penny’s calls,” Ann said, and I smiled at my sister’s voice. Smiled. Actually fucking smiled. That was different for me.
“I’m answering you, aren’t I?”
“Because you think I’m Penny.” My sister let out a sigh, and I heard the emotion in the crack of her voice. “I’m just glad to hear your voice. That you’re not up on the mountain alone.”
“Or not on the mountain at all,” I said casually, even though there wasn’t anything casual about it.
“Where are you?” she asked, her tone on alert.
“I’m in Fort Collins. About to meet, well, a friend.”
There was so much in that silence. I wasn’t sure what I should have said.
“A friend.”
“A friend, Ann. I’m just going to meet a friend.”
“That’s good,” she said, her voice breaking.
“Ann. I was an asshole to this person, and I’m apologizing to them. I don’t think it’s what you think it is.”
“Of course, you’re an asshole. That’s who you are. It’s why I love you, big brother.”
“I don’t know how to take that.”
“Well, you didn’t yell at me or hang up, so I’m going to take it well for you. Now, go apologize, and have a friend. I love you so much, Killian.”
“Ann,” I whispered, so much in that one word that I wasn’t sure what else to say.
