Page 36 of Inked Temptation
“Killian,” Archer whispered, his voice breaking.
I continued as if I hadn’t heard him. “The car slammed through the ice. I don’t remember much after that. Only the cold, so fucking cold. And Danielle’s scream and Cassidy yelling, ‘Daddy!’ before we hit.”
I sucked in a breath.
“The next thing I knew, I was on my back, somebody banging on my chest trying to get me to breathe, and it was so cold, and people were screaming. Sirens were screaming, and I turned to the left, wondering how the hell I could survive that, trying to get back to my family.” Tears fell now, and my chest felt as if someone were carving it with a knife. “Cassidy was there. Her little body right next to mine, and she was so blue. So fucking blue.” I met Archer’s gaze, the horror in his eyes. “She was gone. They weren’t working on her anymore. And I shouted, my voice hoarse, and I was going into shock, but I screamed for them to help her.” I gulped in air. “I didn’t know where Danielle was. I didn’t realize until later that they still hadn’t even gotten her out of the fucking car.”
I wiped my hands on my pants and tried not to throw up. I barely held the bile down.
“My little girl was dead right next to me, and I couldn’t even reach her, didn’t even have the fucking energy to be the man I needed to be to get up and save her. She was dead. And my wife was gone, and there was nothing I could do.”
I let out a sob, then sucked it in. I couldn’t break anymore in front of this man. This damnstranger.
“Killian.” Archer was crying now, moving forward, but I did my best to ignore him. I wasn’t sure I could stand any longer if he touched me, if he told me how tragic it all was and how sorry he was. No words had helped before, and I wasn’t sure if any words, from this man or anyone, would ever help me at all.
“There’s nothing you can say. They’re gone. So, I don’t know if I’m the right kind of person to tell you what’s good or not, to tell you what you’re supposed to want. Because I had all that and I lost it. So maybe you’re better off watching from the outside in. Because I sure as hell don’t want you to ever feel this.”
I couldn’t believe I had said the words, I hadn’t meant to say them at all.
I could barely feel anything, could barely do anything. Instead, there was just a jagged shard of ice sliding through my heart, one painstakingly aching moment of time trapped there forever.
And then Archer was there, his arms around me, and Cora was pressing against my side, and the man I had just shouted at was hugging me.
When was the last time I had been hugged like this?
I didn’t want to think about it.I couldn’t.
But Archer was running his hands up and down my back, soothing me, muttering nothing and maybe everything.
After the initial sob, I had no more tears left, but I did the unthinkable. I slid my hands up his back and held him tight, my hands fisted in his shirt. I beat on his back, once, twice, and Archer didn’t move, didn’t let out an oof, didn’t make a sound. Just held me.
After a moment, I felt the heat of his breath against my neck as he pulled away, but he didn’t let me go. Instead, he looked at me and let out a breath.
“I’m sorry. That you went through that, that you’re still going through that. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling, but thank you for trusting me with your family. For trusting me with you. And I’m so sorry that I keep encroaching on your space when all you want to do is be alone. I get that. Let me know what you need. Or nothing. I could walk away right now.”
I wasn’t sure what to say, but he was there, holding me, the first time I’d been held in years, and I almost felt okay.
Maybe not okay, but maybe a little more solid than I had been before.
I pulled away slightly, my arms moving, and then I was cupping his face, wondering why he was so warm when all I felt was the cold.
“Why are you still here?” I asked, but it wasn’t to him. It was to myself.
His eyes widened and I couldn’t think, I just lowered my lips to his, and brushed them once, twice, and then I got angry, pressing harder, teeth against teeth, lip against lip, and as I pulled away, my chest heaving, I gagged, shaking, Cora barked around us both as I put my hands on my knees, and bent down.
“Are you okay? It’s okay. I’m here. You didn’t do anything wrong, Killian. You’re just breathing.”
I had doneeverythingwrong. Didn’t he see that? “I need to go.”
“This is your home. I’ll go. I’m sorry.”
I could feel him beside me, but I couldn’t look at him. I had just kissed him. After talking about my dead wife and daughter, I kissed him.
What kind of man was I?
And when Archer left, my legs shook, and I let him go.
I fell to my knees, Cora pressing against me. I did one more thing I hadn’t meant to do.
I wept.
