Page 68 of Tight Ends & Tiaras
I snap the rubber bands on my wrist several times while I think about our options. “So let’s let her nap, and then try the stables?”
“Sure.”
Her one-word response bugs me, but I’m pretty sure I’m the asshole here, not her.
She picks up Lily and snuggles her on the bed.
After I scrub off in the shower, I rest my forehead on the tile and let the hot water wash over me. If I could, I would rewind today and do things differently. Maybe not yell at Janelle. Especially in front of our kid.
Just because Janelle’s a dick to me doesn’t excuse me reciprocating that behavior.
I swallow, remembering my mom saying stuff like that. Well, minus using the word ‘dick.’
Thinking of her makes my chest feel tight, so I finish washing off and jump out before I begin rocking in the corner. I’d give anything to talk to my mom right now and ask her what I should do in this situation, but if I let myself think about it too much, it’ll fuck me up.
And I’m a big enough fuckup.
After I get dressed, I find Sienna sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the TV, which isn’t on.
“You okay?” I ask slowly as I lower myself next to her.
“Yeah.”
From my limited experience, women who give one-word responses are never okay.
“Sorry you had to listen to all that this morning. And I’m sorry I dragged you into my mess. This is turning out to be a giant clusterfuck.”
She swallows and nods slowly.
“Listen—”
“You know—”
We both stop and smile at each other. But even though her lips tug up, there’s a crestfallen look in her eyes I’m not used to.
“Go ahead.” I motion to her. “You first.”
She stares at her hands in her lap. “I just wanted to tell you that I understand if you don’t want to do this anymore. We started this charade to make things easier for you, and it’s obviously having the opposite effect. Maybe things with Janelle would calm down if I wasn’t around.”
Fuck, that’s not what I thought she was going to say.
Before I can respond, she nods. “You can still use Gabby’s old room for as long as you need. I realize that finding a place at the last minute would be tough. So it’s yours if you need it. I can... I can just make myself scarce for a while to give you a chance to work things out with Janelle. Whatever that means.”
She’s so calm and reassuring I want to kiss her. Sienna is the complete opposite of my ex, and I love that about her.
Every conversation I have with Janelle makes me wanna bang my head against the wall. But Sienna makes me feel calm. At peace. Like I’m in control of my shit. And when she’s around, I want to reassure her. Protect her. Love up on her. Show her I’m grateful she puts up with my sorry ass.
My head is spinning. I’m not sure where to start.
I should walk away from Sienna for her sake. What sane woman would want to involve herself in my crazy life? But the thought of us going our separate ways sends a fresh wave of panic through me.
“Are you fake-breaking up with me?” I try to infuse as much levity in my words as possible.
Her eyes, which are surprisingly shiny, meet mine, and she gives me a sad smile. “We’re friends, Ben. As friends, we have to do what’s best for each other.”
“Come here.” Before she says anything, I lift her onto my lap and kiss her. “We’re not breaking up. Fake or otherwise.”
My heart pounds as I say those words. Because wouldn’t a real friend want the best for Sienna? My life is a mess right now, but fuck, I don’t want to let her go.
