Page 65 of Tight Ends & Tiaras
I don’t get a chance to respond since we’re juggling Lily and trying not to drop her.
Finally, Ben gets a good hold of his daughter. Lily’s lower lip wobbles before she starts to bawl.
“What the hell, Janelle?” That vein in Ben’s forehead looks scary.
“You done fucking around with your girlfriend? Finally got time for me and your kid?”
He rolls his eyes. “Did I not offer to take her last night? Didn’t I say, ‘Hey, why don’t I take the baby so you can have a break?’”
It’s true. He pulled Janelle aside and asked her if he could take a night shift to give her some time to relax, and she cursed under her breath and ignored him.
He pats Lily on the butt, which calms her, and growls quietly at his ex. “And what did you tell me? You said you wanted her with you at all times. And now, because we’re hashing it out in front of our friends, you act like I’m a deadbeat. Like I haven’t offered you money and time and help doing this however the fuck you want to do it.”
She bursts into tears, which makes Lily cry again.
“Goddamn it.” Ben closes his eyes and mutters something else under his breath before he walks up to her and pats her awkwardly on her back. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I know this shit is stressful. I didn’t mean to yell at you.”
She tucks herself against him, wrapping her arms around his waist, and sobs into his chest. Lily wraps one pudgy arm around her mama.
The sight of them huddled like a family sends a sharp pang through my chest.
I head to our bedroom where I grab my yoga mat and a towel before I sneak outside. Because after what Ben and I did last night, I’m not prepared for the sight of another woman in his arms.
Even if she has more right to claim him than I do.
I gothrough a series of moves to warm up, starting on my knees in extended child’s pose. Shifting into cat-cow spinal stretches, I try to focus on the movement, on my breath, on releasing the tension, but it’s a struggle to clear my head.
After another fifteen minutes of stretches, I still can’t shake what happened this morning.
I don’t understand why I’m upset. I know Janelle plays games. I know she wants Ben back. I know she had Ben first.
At that thought, I laugh out loud.
Let me correct that. She had Ben. Full stop.
Because he and I are only messing around. We’re not even real.
And maybe that’s what’s stuck in my craw. That I’m building memories with someone who not only does not do relationships but has a kid. With another woman.
You’re an idiot, Sienna. I hear my father’s voice loud and clear, telling me how I need to stop fooling around and get serious about life. How I can’t cruise through life like it’s a big joke. How I’m disappointing the whole family. How, if I’m not careful, I’ll leave a big hole in the hallway where everyone’s degrees are framed.
Even though my dad was talking about school and picking a major and figuring out a plan for grad school, I can see how his scolding could apply to what I’m doing with Ben.
My father would lose his mind if he knew I was hooking up with a guy who had a kid. Of course, I’d never describe it as such to him.
“Hey. You doing okay?” I look up and squint into the bright morning where I find Olly. “That was intense. Just wanted to check on you.”
“Thanks, bud. I’m fine.” I come out of the pose and sit on the mat, where I grab my t-shirt and wipe my face.
He studies me a sec, and I get the impression that he’s wildly perceptive. “You sure?”
I nod, not really meaning it, but what can I say? That this whole situation is twisting me up inside? That I feel guilty for being the other woman in this situation, even though I get that Janelle and Ben were over long before I came on the scene?
Try explaining that to my emotions.
“Wanna show me some of your moves? I’ve never done yoga before, but it looks like a good workout.”
I’m caught off guard by the change of direction in our conversation, but I’m eager to get out of my own head. “Sure. I’d love to show you.”
