Page 26 of Tight Ends & Tiaras
“Based on my prior experience with these things, in a few days.” Dr. Patricia knows all about what happened last year with Poppy. After it became a huge scandal, the whole country probably knows. “I express-mailed it this morning.”
“Not taking any chances?”
“Hell no.”
“I suspect the key element in dealing with your frustration will be reminding yourself that Liliana is not at fault for how her mother’s treated you.”
“Right. Of course not.”
“She’s been completely at the mercy of Janelle.”
I nod, absorbing her words. But one thing keeps bothering me. “I’m worried. Shouldn’t I feel something for the kid? I mean, she’s cute, but beyond that, shouldn’t I feel some love and affection for her?” I swallow, hating how I’m built like a slab of stone on the inside.
Dr. Patricia gives me a patient smile, one that reminds me of my mom for some reason. “Get to know her. Spend time with her. Open your heart to her, and the love will come.”
And that’s the question. Can I open my heart to her? Or to anyone else for that matter?
Because I’m not sure I have any love to give.
I pullup Sienna’s name and hit dial. I hate making phone calls, but she was supposed to text me this morning and check in to let me know she was doing okay. It goes to voicemail.
“Sienna. Hey. Let me know you’re alive and if you need anything.” Not one to be chatty in voicemails, I hang up and stare at the crappy motel Janelle and Lily are staying at.
Guilt creeps into me, and I wonder if I should find them a nicer place. Is it shitty to want to wait until I get the paternity results back? Probably. I’m an asshole, I one hundred percent know this, but she’s led me around by my dick before, and I don’t plan to get duped twice.
This is not how I wanted to spend today, but Dr. Patricia encouraged me to spend time with the baby.
When I knock, Janelle flings open the motel door and slams into me, her arms wrapping around my neck in a tight, one-sided hug. I wait for her to realize I’m not planning to reciprocate anytime this decade.
After a long, awkward moment, she takes the hint and slides back to the ground with a giggly laugh, one that would’ve enchanted me a few years ago. Now it just irks me.
“Did you even look through the peephole before you opened the door? What if it was Ernest?” She has a full face of makeup and she’s wearing a sports bra and a tiny pair of shorts, but my dick doesn’t seem to care. Funny, but this was what I was expecting Friday night. Now she could be prancing around naked, and there’s no way we’d fuck.
She frowns. “He doesn’t knock like you do.”
“How do I knock?”
She laughs again. “Like you’re the DEA coming to bust me.”
I step past her, not interested in hearing all the ways I’m too intense or too edgy or whatever. My eyes immediately find Liliana, who’s sitting in front of the TV, eating Cheerios off the low-pile carpet.
That’s disgusting. I’ve heard about the raging parties that go down here during the school year, and this carpet looks like something out of the eighties. My old housemate pitched a fit anytime he saw his kid eating crap off the ground, and we have wood floors that occasionally got swept and mopped. I don’t want to know what’s been squirted, dragged, or spilled across these carpets.
I scoop up the kid and flick the dirty food out of her hand. Liliana’s lower lip juts out, her body goes stiff, and she lets out a wail so loud, my ears ring.
“Fuck.” I hold her in the air while she flails, not sure what to do. Damn, this is not how I wanted to kick things off with her.
Janelle rolls her eyes, takes the toddler from me, and sets her back down on the floor. “I thought you were supposed to be the smart one.” She grabs another handful of cereal and puts it on a napkin that she sets on the floor.
“Why are you feeding her on the ground? That floor is fucking filthy. There’s a perfectly good table two feet away from you.”
She glares at me. “Do you see a highchair? How am I supposed to keep her seated there?”
“I don’t know. On your lap.”
“Spoken like a man who doesn’t have any kids.”
“Maybe if you’d given me half a chance when Lily was born, two years ago, I’d be better at this by now.”
