Page 104 of Power
The door opens, and Jamie walks in holding a stack of papers. “Clear my schedule for today.”
His blank stare is quickly replaced with his brows being drawn together. “Yes, sir.” He leaves my office without asking me to do anything with the papers.
Walking over to my desk, I quickly pack it. “Mark,” I call no louder than my normal tone. He enters the room and waits. “I’m going to the cemetery.”
“Yes, sir.” Mark is already communicating the orders to his team as he exits my office.
Once I’m packed, I head over to Liam’s office where his personal assistant begins to stand as I walk into the room. I gesture for her to stay seated. “Is he in?”
“Yes, sir.”
I knock once on the door and open it to find Liam on the phone. He holds a finger up to me and quickly finishes up the call. “Everything okay?”
I shove my hands in my pockets and click my tongue. “I’m heading up to the residence, then I’m going out to the cemetery. I won’t be in the office for the rest of the day.”
Liam’s forehead crinkles. “Are you okay?”
I pace back and forth for a solid minute before I reply, “Yeah, I think so.”
“Good, take whatever time you need.” Liam smirks, lightening the mood for a brief moment. “As long as you’re back in the office in the morning.”
I stall in my pacing and turn to look at Liam. “Thank you...for everything.”
There’s an understanding that passes over Liam. He stands and pulls his shoulders back. “I serve at the pleasure of the president.” Liam is a really good person who always has my back. I know, out of this crazy life I’ve chosen, he’ll always do what’s right for me.
Leaving his office, I head up to the residence until Mark and his team are ready for me.
The Secret Service agents have fanned out, giving me space to speak with Kathryn. “Hey, baby,” I say as I lay her favorite flowers, irises, on her grave. I clean away the few dead leaves laying on top of her headstone. “I miss you.” I step back and kneel. “I’m stuck.” I take a breath and look around noticing other than the Secret Service, I’m completely alone in the cemetery. “I think I’m falling for Reece.” A massive rock-like lump forms in the base of my throat. “A part of me feels like I’m cheating on you, although I know I’m not.”
There’s a long hesitation as if I’m waiting for her to reply. What would Kathryn say to me if she were alive?
“I’m really struggling with this. Reece is nothing like you, not at all.” I small smile pulls at the corners of my mouth. “Well, she’s a little like you. She’s feisty, that’s for sure, and we both know you kept me in line.” I snicker as I look down at the grass and sigh, my smile quickly disappearing. “I think you would’ve liked her. Not that I’d stray, that’s not what I mean, so stop giving me judgmental stares.” I take in a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds, before finally exhaling. “What do I do? Reece is an escort, and I was paying her for her time and her body. But, it’s so much more than that now. I really like her and Emily. Oh, Emily is her daughter, she’s a good kid and Reece has been a phenomenal mom in bringing her up. Which, by the way, is the reason she’s an escort. Reece has had an awful start to life with no privileges at all, but she’s never expected any, either. She’s amazing and she’s self-sufficient. She doesn’t need me but damn it, I want her to.”
I look around and notice the Secret Service are in a scattered pattern and all have their backs to me. “How would you feel if I started seeing her more permanently?” I shake my head at my stupidity. “I know,” I say. “You’d want me to move on, just like I’d want the same thing for you, if the roles were reversed.” I’m already feeling relieved by being here. I scrub at the stubble on my chin and stare at her grave. “This is one hell of a lonely job, Kathryn. I know, I know,” I say as I hold my hands up in surrender. “It’s what we signed up for, but I honestly thought I’d have you with me, by my side. It’s exhausting being so isolated. Yes, I know, there are people around me all the time but it’s not the same. I don’t have you to come home to.”
I roll my head back and look up toward the sky, letting out another long breath. There’s a heaviness in my chest as I consider all my options. “I guess the question I need to ask myself is how I’d feel if I lost Reece forever, right?” I run my hand through my hair as I try to make sense of this craziness. “How would you feel, Kathryn?”
Obviously, my question is met with silence.
“I like her, and not because I’m lonely, but because she pushes back and isn’t fazed by my being the president.” My thoughts freeze for a moment as I find myself in a place, I never thought I’d be in. Speaking with my dead wife about me potentially dating an escort. Yep. Sounds insane, even to me. “What do I do, Kathryn? Would you be okay with me dating her?” I look down at the ground. “I feel like an idiot, but I’m struggling. God, I love you so much. Why did this happen?” I feel my eyes welling with tears, but I control myself. “This is so much harder than I thought it was going to be. If you were alive, we wouldn’t be in this situation.” I run my hand through my hair. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. But do you believe it’s possible for me to...” I shake my head. “I haven’t been sleeping, and I’ve been snapping at everyone. She’s disappeared off the face of the earth. Well, yes, I know that’s an overreaction and Brice has found out where she and Emily are, but she’s...” A part of me is angry at Reece because she’s not giving me the opportunity to apologize. “I deserve her silence. I’ve been a jerk. I told her I couldn’t be seen with her when all this hit the media.”
I know what Kathryn would be saying if she were alive, she’d be scolding me because of my behavior. “Was I a good husband?” My mouth dries. “Was I?” I ask in a quieter voice. “Reece has been through so much and I don’t want to promise her anything if I was a lousy husband.” I purse my lips together, wishing Kathryn was here. “If only I believed in signs from the other side, maybe you’d send me a butterfly, or have a blue feather drop at my feet to tell me you’re okay and you approve of Reece.” I snort to myself at the ridiculousness of the entire thing. “But we both know I don’t believe in all that voodoo crap.” I wet my lips and click my tongue. “You were my heartbeat, Kathryn. My reason why. Why I’d wake every morning, why I wanted to be a better man, why I did everything I did. I’d climb the highest mountain to see you, I’d swim in shark-infested waters to get to you, I’d do anything for you.” I choke back the crack in my voice. “I hate myself for feeling this way about Reece, but I do.” I look down at her grave. “You’ve always been my reason, but I have another one now.”
Fuck, damn tears. My heart is rapidly beating. “Until we meet again, my love.” I kiss the tips of my fingers and place the kiss on the tombstone. I take a moment to compose myself before I turn to head toward the car.
Mark is by my side and walks quietly with me.
He opens the door and waits until I’m in before sliding into the front. The convoy of vehicles proceeds out of the cemetery and back to the White House.
I need to take the rest of the day and get my head right, because the way I am at the moment, I’m no good to anyone.
Especially to the American people.
