Page 69 of Dragon Eternal (Dragon Kings 4)
CHAPTERTWENTY-EIGHT
Nia searched Shaw’s eyes for the lie, but she found none. “Most would run.”
“I’m no’ most.”
He certainly wasn’t. He was the one who made her reevaluate her life, to take a hard look at what she had been doing—and hadn’t.
“I willna let anything harm you.”
She wanted to believe him. She wanted to put all her trust in him. He made it seem so easy. Then she remembered how her father had deserted them, how her mother had left her. Even her brother and sister had gone.
“Whatever you’re thinking, stop,” Shaw demanded in a fierce tone.
Nia held his gaze, daring him to push her.
He shook his head. “Remember what I told you, lass. You’re a survivor. There are no’ nearly enough people like you. It’s easy to give into the things we tell ourselves, the horrible, cruel things. They’re no’ true. Doona listen to them.”
She wanted to shove him away. At the very least, tell him to shut up, but she could barely hold back the tears that suddenly formed.
“I used to tell myself things I would never speak to another, no’ even my enemy. You tell yourself something long enough…you start to believe it. No one is as hard on us as we are on ourselves. It took me far longer than I want to admit, but I stopped telling myself those horrid things. You’re stronger than I am. You can stop now.”
She snorted and rolled her eyes. “I’m not stronger than you.”
A muscle twitched near his eye. “I’m no’ talking physical strength, and you know it.” He tapped the side of her head. “I’m speaking of mental strength. Do you have any idea how tough you had to be to get where you are today? How many others have survived it? How many, Nia?” he asked sharply.
“Two,” she answered.
“I can bet there are many courtesans. Am I right?”
“Yes.”
“How many have their own estates?”
Damn her eyes for welling up again. “Just me.”
“Just you.” He shook his head and gently ran his fingers down her cheek. “Never think yourself weak, lass, because you are anything but. You’re strong and fierce and have a determination others will never know. That is what’s gotten you this far. It’s what will keep you going, too. And before you think I’m merely saying this for show, this is the truth. It’s what I feel and see.”
Then he was on his feet and walking away. She sat up, thinking that he would leave, but he stopped near one of the torches. His gaze was on the flames. She wondered what he was thinking.
He had made her face things she hadn’t dared before. Had said things no one had ever said before, and she had reacted with fear and anger. Shaw might not hold to his promise to stand with her during the battle or to protect her, but that shouldn’t determine her decision about what to do.
She was ashamed that she hadn’t tried to do more, given more to the children that were starving. She had once been them. She knew that hollow feeling of hunger, the worry of wondering if you would have the strength to steal food. She knew the cold nights when there was only the body heat of her siblings for comfort. She knew the disdain and contempt that others showed her simply because she didn’t have coin to buy food, as if it were her fault. She had been a child.
Nia got to her feet. This was supposed to have been a romantic night so the servants could see and report back to the citadel. It was all a ruse. Or it was supposed to have been one, but when her gaze had met Shaw’s and she saw the desire in his eyes, it had dawned on her that she wanted this. All of it.
She wanted Shaw.
Not a ruse, not a lie. Him.
All of him.
Even if she somehow managed to get free of Stonemore and the Divine, she couldn’t have the life she wanted with Shaw. He was a Dragon King. She was a mortal. He lived forever while her life would be gone in a blink. But that was for her to carry. It wasn’t fair that she had taken it out on him.
Nia walked up behind him. She put a hand on his back and felt the tension running through him. “I’m sorry.”
He sighed as he turned to her. “You doona have anything to be sorry for.”
“I do, actually.” She moved closer and lowered her voice to barely a whisper. “I make myself into another person for whoever is my target. I become someone else. I never show myself to anyone. But I can’t seem to be anyone but myself around you.”
“Good,” he said with a smile.
“You—”
