Page 27 of Because I Need You
“What?” I took the napkin and realized my hands were full of tea. They were red, too. I hadn’t felt how hot it was, but now the heat registered. I wiped myself, wincing at the feel of the napkin against my hands, and set the napkin down, my lower lip wobbling. “I can’t feel anything.”
A frown. “What the fuck happened?”
“I, um…” I paused to lick my lips and take a breath. “I flew in this morning. I’m trying to sell my dad’s house quickly. I was packing up and then I got hungry.” I stopped again to breathe, hoping to get through this story without crying. “And then I got hungry…”
“You said that part,” he snapped. “You got hungry and then what?”
I pulled back, looking away from his face, which meant I was now staring at his crotch. I looked down at my red palms. This man was no Will. Will would have comforted me and kissed my hands and asked if I was okay. But I hadn’t called Will. I’d ran here, to him, without second thought.
“I went and got pizza.”
“At what time was this?” He looked at his watch and yawned. “Fuck, the sun is about to come up.”
“Around one?”
“In the morning,” he said, with an edge in his tone. It made me feel like I was an idiot, and that was what made me look up at him. Sure enough, he was looking at me like I was an idiot, and that finally made something inside me snap. Anger I could deal with. Anything was better than numbness. He continued. “You got hungry at one in the morning and decided to drive around Chicago, a city you’re not even familiar with, to look for pizza.”
“Yes.” I bit the inside of my mouth because it was less painful than the bite in his tone.
“I mean…” He shook his head, then waved a hand. “Continue.”
“No. Forget it. I don’t even know why I came here to begin with.” I forced myself off the couch, untangling my legs from the cover and headed toward the front door. I should’ve left an hour ago. I should’ve never come here to begin with. I stomped my bare feet against the cold marble floor. “I knew coming here was probably a bad idea, but I didn’t have anyone to call or anywhere to go and I thought…I don’t know what I thought.” Obviously, I hadn’t thought. That was the problem. I slid my feet into my Adidas slides and set a hand on the doorknob.
That was when I realized I was still shaking, shivering so uncontrollably that my hand couldn’t even turn the knob fully. I heard him come up behind me. He didn’t say anything. Didn’t warn me, either, as he lifted me in his arms. One moment I was opening the door, the next I was cradled in front of his chest as he walked back into the house. It took me a second to react and start wiggling to get out of his grasp. I knew I’d fall on my ass, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to be in his arms like this. I didn’t want to be touched at all.
“Let me go.” I wiggled harder, pushing his chest, slapping his back, his ribs, his face.
He didn’t like that. He growled and shifted me so he could look at me, seething, hard, cold, menacing, as his fingers gripped painfully on my skin. I instantly stopped fighting. It wasn’t the logical thing to do. When a man carries you and looks at you like he’s completely liable to kill you, that’s when you should fight. That’s when you scream and move. But that look spoke volumes, and this was his house. His territory. His people. His housekeepers were nice, but they were his housekeepers, not mine. They wouldn’t do anything to help me. I knew that. I crossed my arms, bit my tongue, and let him carry me up the stairs. I was still shaking so hard, that I knew the moment he set me down I’d fall over. He walked into a bedroom, kicked the door shut behind us, and set me down at the edge of the bed.
I tried regulating my breathing, but that was impossible now. I knew it was illogical, too. If this man wanted to rape me, he could’ve done it by now. Rapists didn’t need beds or rooms or privacy, they just took without remorse. Somewhere deep inside me, I knew Giovanni wouldn’t do that. How I knew it, I wasn’t sure. Maybe it was because I’d known enough men in my lifetime, who took advantage of women. I knew their MO and the way they looked at you. When you really started to break it down, when you really started to notice the way predators around you, it became obvious that the red flags had always been there and had gone ignored for another slew of reasons we used to cover them up. Giovanni didn’t have that look. He backed away from me, still staring at me with those cold, hard, eyes. Despite all of it, I didn’t like being in this space with him. I didn’t like that I was in a closed bedroom and that he was looming over me. I summoned all of the courage I could muster, knowing I’d need it to deal with him and whoever else came after.
