Page 53 of Embracing the Beat

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MICHAELA: LOL. No.

MICHAELA: Why would he be jealous over me?

MIA: Why wouldn’t he?

MICHAELA: Because he thinks he’s my third pain in the ass big brother?

MIA: Are you sure about that?

I don’t know. Not after our lunch today. He nearly kissed me. But tonight’s questions color that interaction.

MICHAELA: Yes!

MICHAELA: Maybe?

MIA: My money’s on jealousy.

MICHAELA: You’d lose that bet.

MICHAELA: Thanks for letting me vent.

MIA: Anytime!

MIA: <3 U!

MICHAELA: *lip emoji*

“Dumb. They’re all dumb,” I say to the empty room.

All my high school boyfriends.

Fucker.

Brad.

West.

One of these things is not like the other.

The only common aspect about any of those experiences? Me. Maybe it’s something wrong with me. Maybe I put out some sort of weird vibe that only attracts assholes.

West isn’t an asshole.

But he could definitely act like one. Jealousy, according to Mia. I snort a laugh.

No way.

Mia doesn’t know the whole story. She isn’t aware that there was even a night with West, let alone that he called it a mistake. And I’ve tried to be on board with his opinion, I really have. I’ve told myself the same thing repeatedly. But it’s had zero impact on my attraction to him. I’m a cliché—the best friend’s little sister crushing on her older brother’s best friend. Again.

Only now feels so much more real than it had when I was a teenager.

I have to stop. Stop thinking about him that way, stop thinking about the other night. Lying here, replaying the other night in my head like some viral TikTok video, isn’t doing me any favors.

“Nope. Not happening,” I mutter.

Maybe a shower would scrub the phantom sensations from my body since nothing else is helping the images in my brain.

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