Page 124 of Embracing the Beat
“No.” He shakes his head sadly. “That’s what my counselor says.”
“Counselor?”
“I, uh, felt like I needed to work through the emotions I never dealt with. The way she hurt me. How painful it was when the idea of a family was ripped away. I thought talking to someone would help prevent you from having to bear the brunt of my issues. I can’t stand to hurt you again. Or to hurt our baby.”
“You believe the test results.”
So many emotions crowd my thoughts—happiness that he believes me, anger that he didn’t, and shock that he had kept all of what he felt with Ashley bottled up. I’m relieved that he’s talking to someone about them.
“I didn’t need those results to know for sure,” he says. “I realized about an hour after I left that there was no doubt in my mind that you were pregnant with my baby.”
“So why didn’t I hear from you until now?”
“I didn’t know what to say. How to apologize,” he admits.
“‘I’m sorry’ would have been a good start.”
“I am.” He falls to his knees in front of me, his forehead resting against my thigh. “God, I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Thank you.”
His eyes find mine when he lifts his head.
“Apology accepted.”
“It’s that easy?” he questions.
I nod. “Maybe it shouldn’t be. But that’s all I wanted from you. A sincere apology. To know you believe me.”
“I do believe you.” He leans closer like he wants to kiss me.
I pull back at his proximity. “What are you doing?” So much of me wants to lean in to him, to experience the sensation of his lips against mine again. But I’ve made bad choices in the past. And I have to think about more than just me now.
My stomach cramps at the hurt and confusion filling his eyes.
“You said—”
“I said apology accepted. I didn’t say it meant anything more.”
“But your letter—”
“I told you it was your choice. You can be in our baby’s life if you want.” I lift my hands to span my stomach. “But I choose who I let into my heart.”
My muscles tighten again, locking the wall of my abdomen. No. The tightness is lower, almost at my pelvic bone, and I press against the area, trying to breathe through the tension. If I thought the butterflies were excited before, they’re manic now.
“Michaela?” His attention shifts from my face to my hands and back again.
I take a deep breath in through my nose and release it through my mouth, only to gag as my stomach tightens again. Tears spring to my eyes, and I lean over, searching for a position to ease the vise squishing my internal organs.
“What’s happening?” The panic is clear in his voice, in his wide eyes. They’re the last thing I see before I squeeze my eyes closed, tears leaking from under my lashes.
“I—” Deep breath. “I don’t know.”
My last word is a groan as the muscles cramp harder. Oh my god, what’s going on?
“The baby,” I murmur.
“Maybe you’ll feel better if you lie down.” Gentle hands on my arms, he shifts me into more of a reclined position, but I cry out as soon as my knees drop, and he lifts me back up. “We need to get to the hospital.”
