Page 112 of Embracing the Beat
I want to tell her that hindsight is twenty-twenty. That we all make mistakes. That she’s worried about whether she’ll be a good mom is exactly why she’ll be the best kind.
Sawyer wants to bring you the results. He also wants to punch you, but I hope he doesn’t.
I stretch my jaw, an ache blooming where his fist connected.
I hate that your friendship was ruined because of this. I told him that what happened between you and me was between us and shouldn’t affect your relationship with him. I’m sure you can guess exactly how he responded to that. I can’t get him to change his mind. I know he had his lawyer friend draw up other papers, stuff about child support and all that. I won’t force it. I keep telling him, but he doesn’t listen.
If you want to be a part of this baby’s life, I’d like you to be. But if you don’t, that’s okay too. I can stay with Mia and Garrett as long as I want, which is a good thing since I’m pretty sure Sawyer would drive me nuts with his helicopter-mom attitude.
I hope you see this letter. I’m tucking it between pages so hopefully it will find its way to you. I wanted you to know the baby is okay. That you can choose to be a part of its life or not. Take care of yourself.
Two warm tears track down my cheeks, dripping onto the page and smudging the ink.
I swear she’s in the room with me. The echoes of her voice, the subtle notes of her perfume—I lift the note to my nose and breathe deeply.
I do want to be part of this baby’s life. I want more than that. I want to be there the whole time. Pregnancy cravings and doctor’s appointments, birthday parties and…anniversaries.
I want this baby and I want Michaela.
For keeps.
