Page 98 of Vile Bastards
“I beat up a girl named True for daring to bring up Lemon,” I whisper. “Mostly, I beat up a girl named True because … well, everything she said was true.”
“The only nice thing Aspen ever did for me was beat up the kids who picked on me.” Ash sighs, and his warm breath rustles my hair. “How can I possibly miss the bloody bastard while being relieved he’s gone?”
“Because feelings aren’t right or wrong. They’re just feelings. Even when you know they’re irrational or stupid or repetitive, they come, they sit, they stay.” I sit up and Ash pulls back from me, turning his attention to the pond again. “I know why we have to stay away from each other, but the more distance you put between us, the more interested I am in you. That on purpose, Kelly? You playin’ hard to get with me?”
He huffs out a soft laugh but shakes his head.
“If you could hear the thoughts in my head, you would never think that, Scarlett-chan.” His eyes glitter as more brown leaves drift around us like autumn’s last goodbye.
“I’ve seen enough Japanese anime to know what chan mean, you dickhead.” I lean back and put my palms on the damp grass. “Isn’t it an honorific for like babies or cute animals?”
Ash chuckles again, and it’s the single most real sound he’s ever made around me. Save for the ones during sex, that is. Then again, even those were tainted. He truly is a vile bastard. I can’t help but study the cuff links at the ends of his sleeves, the ones that he plucked off his twin’s corpse.
“It can be. Mostly, it’s just for someone that the speaker finds endearing. It’s not uncommon for close friends or lovers to use it also.” Lovers. He lingers over that word, caresses it with his British-kissed Japanese-speaking American voice. Ash mimics my pose and then we’re both just staring at the sky together like the psychos we are. We probably shouldn’t come here, me or Ash. It’s too risky.
But today, I had to.
I just needed to be as close to Lemon as I possibly could be.
“She felt sick over it, Scar. She felt really bad about all the things that she said to you.”
Basti’s admission about Lemon and her feelings regarding the tossed mementos, that was a lot to deal with. I have so many mixed emotions regarding my oldest friend. Sadness, pity, guilt, regret, love, longing, grief, rage. Blinding white-hot rage.
“I can’t believe in the end, it was Aspen she reached for.” I purse my lips and offer up a slight shake of my head. “This is why I don’t and never have believed in romance. No matter how I feel about you or Bohnes, Widow or Alexei”—Ash cringes a bit at that last one—“I have to remember that Lemon felt that way. My mother felt that way about her exes. My aunt felt the same. My sister … her ex curb-stomped her and put her in the ICU.”
“I’ll make you believe in it,” Ash whispers, almost fanatically. Rapturous, that’s what he sounds like right now. Crazy as a fox. “As far as Lucy and Aspen, I think he liked her as much as he was ever able to like anyone, if that helps.”
“He plotted to have her killed,” I say, because even if I don’t know why, I do know what. That’s exactly what fucking happened.
“Yes, he did,” Ash agreed, sighing again. “But he was relatively nice to her, the nicest he’s ever been to a woman.” He fiddles with the cuff links, and I frown.
“What’s the deal with those anyway?” I ask, lifting my chin in his direction.
Ash goes still, looking down at the cuff links before frowning.
“These?” He hesitates briefly, and I can’t help but wonder if he isn’t hiding something from me. “These belonged to Larron Van Gordon.” Ash pauses and looks up to meet my eyes. “You know who that is, don’t you?”
“Everybody knows who that is,” I hedge, blinking at him. “How did Aspen come to have them?”
“He killed him, and I helped bury the body, that’s what.” Ash purses his lips and looks at the pond yet again. We can’t seem to keep our eyes off of it.
“Miss Emma Jean Thompson was right then,” I add with a sigh, pushing up to my feet. Ash follows me as I move over to the pond, wishing I’d brought like a thermos or something to take some of the water with me. I know that’s weird. It’s so fucking creepy, but I can’t seem to help myself. “She figured that out a while ago.”
“I told her where to find his body,” Ash offers up, surprising me. Ah, so that is what he was meeting Emma Jean over. Why am I not surprised?
“What if they dig him up and, seeing as you’re now Aspen, you get blamed for it?”
