Page 84 of Fake It For Love (Faux Love)
RYAN
Iwas very curious about her family, but I wasn’t going to push it. She was slowly opening up to me and that was all I could hope for. This thing we had going just went up a notch. A great notch, but we were in unchartered territory. I didn’t know what was okay to ask or say. I was going to sit back and let her lead the conversation. If she was ready to sleep, I was down for that as well. I should be tired. I was pretty sure we were both still riding the high of the day.
“Did you think this would happen when you first saw me at the restaurant?” she asked softly.
I had to laugh. “No. You?”
“Absolutely not. I thought the universe was trying to teach me a lesson.”
“A lesson about what?”
“Get-rich-quick schemes,” she said. “I kept thinking this was my payback for thinking I could skip ahead. Karma was coming back to kick me in the ass and remind me of my place.”
“Was it because you knew me or because you hated me still from high school?” I asked.
“No! I mean, yes, but no. Mostly, it was my shame from that night. I was so embarrassed by my behavior back then. I thought about reaching out and apologizing countless times. But I was too much of a coward to actually do it. Then seeing you and realizing you were the guy rescuing me once again just made me feel even worse.”
“You don’t have to be ashamed or embarrassed,” I told her. “I didn’t do anything but give you a hankie.”
She giggled and shook her head. “I found that the next day. I thought about giving it back after I washed it.”
“I’m glad it was you,” I said.
“What was me?” she asked.
“I’m glad you are the woman I was paired with,” I told her.
“But you weren’t initially,” she said.
“It was a bit of a shock, but I’m glad it was you. When you think about it, us knowing each other saved a lot of time. There was a familiarity about all of it. It actually put me at ease. This thing made me very, very nervous.”
She turned and smiled up at me. “I’m glad it was you too. I thought I was ready to do this with any old Joe that showed up, but I’m not sure I could have gone through with it.”
She settled back in and held up her hand with the ring on it. I looked at it as well. The ring had been a prop, but I wanted it to mean something. I wanted the world to know she was mine. “That ring looks good on you,” I said.
“It feels good on me.”
Something in her voice said there was more. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong,” she said. “I just, well, laying here in bed with you feels right. I don’t think I feel like this is quite as fake as it should be.”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing,” she murmured.
“Please, tell me,” I asked gently. I caressed her cheek in an effort to make her feel like she could talk to me.
“It’s just, I know this is a contract, but sometimes when I’m with you, it feels real. It feels very wrong to take money from you. It cheapens this moment.”
“No, it doesn’t,” I insisted. “This moment isn’t cheapened in any way. This is not the contract. This happened because we wanted it to.”
“You don’t think we might have reacted to the events of the day?” she asked. “I don’t know exactly what you went through, but I know it shook you up. It shook me up and I wasn’t even in the plane or in any danger. When someone experiences something like that, their first instinct is to do something that makes them feel alive. There are a whole lot of crazy chemical reactions that happen in the brain. Sex is a release.”
“Um, I’m pretty sure you just used some very rudimentary psychoanalysis to explain why I wanted to fuck you,” I said with a laugh. “Let me make it easy for you. I wanted you. I wanted you that night we sat on the beach. I really wanted you that night we went dancing. Yes, the thought of dying and not getting to have you certainly triggered something, but you can’t explain this away with science. I want you. Period. Desire is what it is.”
She let out a long sigh. “And endorphins.”
“Woman, why are you trying to downplay what is happening here?” I asked with frustration. “Maybe yes, a little can be attributed to that, but I was going to do everything I could to get to this point with you. I’m just glad it happened. In fact, I’m thinking about making it happen again.”
