Page 66 of The Birthday List (Maysen Jar 1)

I wanted to take Cole’s hand. His fingers were

so long, they threaded with mine and made my hands feel so small. His skin wasn’t soft but it wasn’t rough either. It was just a man’s hand. Hard and warm. The perfect temperature to hold for hours and hours.

I wanted to take Cole’s hand, but memories were holding me back.

Or a lack of memory.

I couldn’t remember how my hand felt in Jamie’s—I’d never really thought about it back then. I hated that I’d lost that part of him. That I hadn’t taken the time to memorize the feel of his hand in mine.

Especially when I’d memorized everything about the feel of Cole’s.

Every minute we spent together, Cole was taking more pieces of my heart.

Something that, if Kyle and Debbie picked up on it, would make this evening so much harder.

“You’re going to take a left up here.” I pointed out the turnoff to the ranch. “And then just straight down the gravel road until we get to their house.”

Cole slowed and turned the wheel. “Is this where Jamie grew up?”

“Yeah. He didn’t want to be a rancher, but his younger brother, Adam, still lives here with his girlfriend. Eventually, he’ll take it all over from Kyle and Debbie, just like they took it over from Jimmy and Jamie’s grandmother.”

“Did you and Jimmy make amends?”

I smiled. “Yeah. And remember how I told you about the pink hair debacle? Guess who was the alleged poker cheat.”

“Who?”

“Randall.”

He chuckled. “No shit?”

“No shit.” I laughed with him until the house came into sight after a bend in the road and anxiety shriveled my smile away.

“Nice place,” Cole said as he pulled into the gravel area in front of the house.

Kyle and Debbie had built a new house about ten years ago and decked it out with all of the finest. Their old place, also nice, was now where Adam and his girlfriend lived. At least, I assumed that was where they both lived. Since Jamie’s funeral, I’d only seen Adam once, and since Kyle and Debbie didn’t talk to me much anymore, I wasn’t up-to-date on the latest happenings at the ranch.

And probably wouldn’t be in the future. If what Jimmy had told me today was correct, this might be my last trip to the Maysen ranch. To Jamie’s home.

The nervous whirlpool that was my stomach spun faster. Jamie, if you’re listening, help this go okay. Don’t let this be another good-bye.

I pulled in a shaking breath as Cole’s hand came to my shoulder. “We don’t have to stay long. Use me as an excuse if you want to leave. Or if you want to stay for hours, that’s fine too. Do whatever, but I’ll follow your lead.”

His beautiful green eyes were full of concern.

“Thank you. I’m sure this will be okay.”

We both knew that was a lie, but he didn’t call me on it. He just let go of my shoulder and shut off the truck before stepping out.

I took one more breath, then climbed out of the truck just as the front door to Kyle and Debbie’s house swung open.

“Hi!” Debbie came down the steps of the wraparound porch and right into my space for a hug. “It’s so nice to have you here.”

I froze for a second, surprised at her warm welcome—one I hadn’t gotten since before Jamie had died—but the shock wore off fast and I returned her hug. “It’s nice to be here.”

“Hi, Poppy.” I let go of Debbie as Adam walked out of the house.

I smiled to hide the wince at seeing his face. Adam looked more like Jamie than ever with his hair grown out long like his brother had worn it. “Hi, Adam. How are you?”