Page 21 of The Candle Palace (Jamison Valley 6)
“More?”
He shook his head and I set the water down, returning to my seat.
Milo waited a few more moments before he began to speak, and when he did, he talked to his lap. “I’m a deputy for the Jamison County Sheriff’s Department. I haven’t been a cop that long, but I should have known better.”
The anguish in his voice was hard to hear. It wasn’t the smooth timbre it normally was. He spoke like he was choking, in hoarse rasps.
“Jess and me and this guy Beau—he works for the forest service—we went up to the mountains on a tip. Some snowmobilers reported they’d found an old trailer on forest service land that was suspicious. So we went up to check it out. We’d been trying to track down a meth dealer’s cookhouse for months without luck. Thought that might be it.”
Milo swallowed hard and I stood to take him more water. He finished another glass and nodded for me to go back to my seat.
“The place.” He scrunched his nose. “We found it. Fuck, it smelled bad. I’ve never smelled anything like it before. Burned your nostrils from fifty feet away. Beau ran back to the truck to get some bandanas to cover our faces while Jess and I walked to the trailer.”
I was on the edge of my seat, nerves stirring my stomach as he took another long pause. He didn’t need to finish. I knew that whatever happened next had landed him here. But the more he spoke the more I realized this wasn’t only for my benefit. Milo needed to tell this story out loud. He needed to explain.
Because the guilt was eating him alive.
“The door was rigged. I should have known. I reached for it. Jess yelled for me to stop. But I didn’t think. I opened the door and this propane tank some yards away, it just went . . .”
Boom.
“I woke up here and didn’t know what had happened,” he said. “Dad said Beau hauled me and Jess out of there. I took the brunt of it since I was closest. Jess, he got thrown from the blast into a tree. A branch went clean through his side.”
I grimaced. “But he’s okay? Your dad said Jess was going to pull through, right?”
“Yeah,” Milo muttered. “Still doesn’t make it easier. I should have known better. I was so damn eager to get inside and
make a big bust, thinking I was finally going to earn some respect. Not be the rookie even though I’d been a cop for years. But like always, I fucked it up. Jess almost died. I almost killed him. And myself. I should have known better.”
Standing from the chair, I went to Milo’s side and sat on the edge of the bed. What I really wanted was to wrap my arms around him and hold him tight. Instead, I took his hand, which was covered in thick, soft bandages, and sandwiched it between my own.
“Sounds like whoever rigged the explosion is at fault. Not you. All you did was open a door.”
He stilled, not moving even to breathe. His hand was like a stone as my words echoed in the darkened room. From the hallway, the hum of a cart’s rolling wheels passed by the door. It wasn’t until the sound was gone that Milo breathed again. And his fingers curled around my grip.
“Are you always right?”
I blew out the breath I’d been holding, then smiled. “Usually.”
“Hmm.” He let his head relax into the pillows. His eyes once again closed. But he didn’t let go of my hand. “I’ll have to remember that for the future.”
Four
MILO
“Hey.” Sara sniffled as she came into the room. Her shoulders were curled in, her head hanging down. When she closed the door, she studied the handle like it was the most interesting fixture in the room.
Finally, she stepped away and lifted her chin. But she still wouldn’t look at me. Her gaze tracked to the empty chair in the corner. Then the wall. Then the TV. When she couldn’t hide from me any longer, she glanced at the bed, but only at my feet.
“Sara.”
“Yes?” She walked to the sink and pumped a dollop of hand sanitizer into her palm, rubbing and rolling it over her hands.
“Sara.”
“Hmm?”
“I know you’re upset.”
