Page 64 of The Coppersmith Farmhouse (Jamison Valley 1)
Jess set Rowen down and knelt in front of her. “Little bit, I wasn’t very nice on Sunday, was I?”
She tipped her head to the floor and shook it. “You hurt my feelings.”
“I’m sorry, Rowen. I promise I won’t do it again. I overreacted and just snapped.
Can you forgive me?” he pleaded, tipping up her chin so she would see his apologetic face.
“Yeah.” She smiled and then threw her arms around his neck.
I was glad he’d made amends with Roe. But we had a lot to talk about, so I interrupted their hug. “Okay, baby girl. Time for bed. Let’s go up and read a story.”
“Georgia—” Jess started, but I cut him off.
“We can talk after she’s in bed.”
He closed his eyes and dropped his chin. He gave me a small nod before I led Rowen upstairs.
I did my best but it was hard concentrating on Rowen’s bedtime stories. My mind was on the man downstairs and what our upcoming conversation would bring.
Jess and I sat on the porch swing and watched the sunset. Soon it would be winter and my evenings outside would be over until spring.
He had on his coat while I was bundled up under a big blanket.
We sat in silence, neither one of us wanting to start the conversation.
“I’m sorry, Freckles. I fucked up,” Jess finally said.
“I don’t know what to do,” I said softly.
“About what?” he asked.
“About us. She’s my life, Jess. What you did to her? I can’t risk that ever happening again. Because what happens next time? What will you say? Something worse? Something that will destroy her? She doesn’t have a father in her life because he is an asshole and I won’t allow him to treat her the way he treated me.”
He took in a long, deep breath while letting my words sink in. “You’ve been looking for a chance to push me away. First, thinking I was with you to get the farmhouse. Now this. Doesn’t it make sense to you yet?” he asked.
“What do you mean ‘make sense’?”
“Those were your words, not mine. You said that we didn’t make sense together. So you keep pushing me. Which means you still don’t think we make sense. If you did, you’d be fighting a lot harder to get over your fears.”
“Don’t turn this on me, Jess. You weren’t here on Sunday with her.”
“No, I wasn’t. Because you needed space. I gave you almost a week to cool off when what I wanted to do was follow your ass here from the station Sunday and work it out. Wanted to apologize to Rowen the minute you walked out the station’s door and make it right. But I didn’t get that. So I’ve been waiting for you to be done with your space. Praying she’d forgive me for being a dumbass. And she did. Right away. Because I meant it and she knows it. So why can’t you forgive me?”
“It hurt, Jess.” Tears started to fill my eyes. “Not just Sunday. How you treated me when we first moved here? It hurt. And then seeing you yell at Rowen made it worse. The fact that you went days without reaching out to me and apologizing hurt too.”
Up until this point, we hadn’t touched. But he’d had enough of the distance and shifted me across the swing and into his lap.
“I’m sorry, baby,” he said into my hair. “I don’t know what else to say. I didn’t know you wanted me to call you. If I had, I’d have been here on Sunday night. Thought you’d want me to stay away. I’ll try, I swear. I’ll try to not let it happen again. I had a lot on my mind and I snapped. Just like you let it blow when you’re pissed, I do the same. I just need to find a way to let it out without hurting my girls. And I will. Promise. Just don’t give up.”
I sat in his arms and contemplated my options. Let him go or let it go.
“You’re right. I am scared,” I admitted. “I don’t trust that you won’t hurt me. That you can keep a hold of your temper and won’t break our hearts. But this fight, it hurts too. I didn’t like that you weren’t here this last week. I’ve been sick to my stomach, wondering if you’d come back or if you were done with us. I don’t want to be done, but at the same time, I don’t want to get hurt. I feel like I’m torn in half and neither side knows what to do.”
He pulled me tighter into his chest so I had to turn my face and rest my cheek against his heart.
“I’ve got you, baby. I swear you’re safe with me. It hurt me being away too. I don’t much feel like ever doing that again. You can trust me and I’ll prove it to you. But you can’t give up and push me away. You have to give me time to earn your trust and prove we make perfect sense. Forgive me for being an asshole? One last time?”
Maybe sharing my fears with him would make overcoming them easier. I wasn’t sure but it was worth a shot. He was worth a shot.
