But not Bowen. When he loved, he did it wholly and with his entire being. He’d proven it over and over, time and time again, on every single plane of time in which we’d existed together. Yet he had selflessly buckled up beside me on that journey through the darkest abyss of my life without hesitation or consideration.
He’d never left my side as Sally. Not even as the flames of the inferno had scarred him inside and out.
He’d never left me as Remi, either. I’d felt abandoned when I’d discovered the depths of his lies. But even those were to the detriment of his own mental and physical well-being. He had the scar on his wrist to prove it.
And there I was, after four months of soul-searching while he’d suffered, after four days of pretending at his expense just to keep him at arm’s reach, showing up at his door in the middle of the night for him to welcome me in with a Bowen Michaels specialty hug.
I’d heard a saying once that every relationship needed a flower and a gardener. The flower was the person who needed nurturing and tending to thrive. On the other side, there was the gardener, someone who catered to the flower’s needs and adapted to its every requirement.
There was absolutely no question that I was Bowen’s flower, and he had been the world’s best gardener for quite literally longer than I could fully remember.
But it was time. After everything he’d done for me, this man deserved a lifetime of being cared for physically, mentally, and emotionally. I could only hope I was as good as a gardener as I was a plant mom.
“Bowen, baby. Look at me.”
His hollowed gaze flicked up immediately.
“I won’t disappear into the darkness again.”
“You can’t possibly know that. Dammit, Remi. I know this was fucked up. Lying to you about your past. I said I would never regret it, but every single day for the last four months, I have done just that. Because it ruined us. But when it comes to you, I don’t always think clearly. I’m fucking broken. I tried to save you so many times, I was afraid, after the plane crash, what it would mean if I failed you again. And honestly, I’m still fucking paralyzed with fear over it.”
I stood up only long enough to face him and then straddled his lap. Palming each side of his face, I brushed my nose with his. His labored breaths fluttered across my mouth. “I’m broken too, Bowen. But maybe that’s what makes us so perfect. We’re like a kaleidoscope. When all the broken shapes are together, they form the most beautiful whole. Without you, I’m just the pieces.” Gently, I touched my lips to his. It wasn’t so much a kiss as the seal of a promise. “I still don’t know who I am. But I promise you I will never be a woman you have to worry about like that again.”
“But what if—”
I kissed him again. “We’ve lived through every what-if imaginable. Let’s move on to the what about now portion of our lives.” I kissed him again, and this time his hands slid around my hips, wrapping me up tight. “Right now, Bowen, my memories are all happy. In my dreams, we’re so in love. When you find me in my sleep, a warmth unlike anything I’ve ever felt before cocoons me for long after I wake up. I’m only remembering the good stuff. Whatever we had in the past, inside my brain, love and happiness trump the pain and misery.”
He smiled, weak and timid, but I wouldn’t let it stay that way for long.
“Now is not the time for you to give up on fate, Mr. Michaels. I’m regaining my memories. Good memories. Fun memories.” I rolled my hips. “Hopefully some sexy memories too.” I nipped at his bottom lip. “And they’re all of you. Every.” Kiss. “Last.” Kiss. “One.”
As he opened his mouth to deepen our connection, I leaned away.
“If the bad memories come back, we’ll deal with them then. But I won’t fall apart again. You don’t need to take care of me anymore, Bowen. But I’d really like it if you came to bed with me and let me take care of you for a change.”
He squinted like he was puzzling out a mystery in his mind. “Don’t you get it? You’re here. That’s all I need. It’s the earth under my feet. The air in my chest. The life in my veins.” His hand roamed up my chest and neck to the side of my face, causing my eyes to flutter. “You’re all I’ll ever need.”
He kissed me deep and slow. His tongue glided with mine and he moaned into my mouth, just as consumed by me as I was by him.
