I smiled weakly. “Maybe. But I still felt like a failure.”
“You’re allowed to feel that way. The same way I’m allowed to feel that you’re not.” She rested her hand on my cheek. “And for the record, we will always feel differently about that.”
I nodded, choking back the emotions I’d thought I’d long since dealt with. But there they were, bubbling to the surface, fresh as the memories returning to her head.
Desperate for a distraction, I said, “I can’t believe you’re finally remembering things.”
She sighed. “Yeah. It’s weird though. The majority of them are just flashes or things that don’t completely make sense. Like, why do I remember Tyson getting engaged if I wasn’t there? Is it possible you told me about it afterward or something?”
The light bulb of understanding suddenly went off in my head. I shot to my feet, using her hand to pull her up with me. “I showed it to you.”
Her head snapped back. “What?”
“Come here.” With long strides, I marched down my hallway, all but dragging her behind me, straight to my office. “I went to Preston’s birthday party alone that night. I asked my dad to record him getting the dummy so I could show it to you when I was finally allowed to visit you at the treatment facility.”
My computer was on, but it took me several minutes to find the right folder. And then after that, it took even longer to scroll through the dates, searching for the right one. As I pressed play, I shoved the rolling chair away from the desk to allow her space to get a better look at the screen.
My sweet Remi took it as an invitation and sank onto my lap. That one gesture filled my hollow chest in unimaginable ways.
Burying my face in the back of her hair, I listened as Preston squealed with delight in the video.
“Now that’s from Aunt Remi,” Cassidy told him in the video. “She wasn’t feeling good tonight, so she couldn’t come, but she wanted to make sure you knew how much she loved you.”
I couldn’t see the screen over Remi’s shoulders, but I still felt the despair that had clung to my soul that night.
There was a ruckus on the video before Tyson said, “Look, kid… Don’t…ever forget I gave you a present before I ruined your birthday.”
Remi gasped. “That’s it. This was my dream. I remember this.”
She leaned in close, shifting on my lap, just as Cassidy snapped, “What the hell do you mean before you ruin his birthday?”
“I remember this!” Remi repeated, followed by a burst of laughter. “Oh my God, Bowen. It was a video. That’s why I couldn’t touch you. Holy shit. I’m getting my memories back.”
My throat got tight, and a wave of nausea punched me in the gut. My face began to tingle as my lungs struggled to keep up with my body’s increased demand for air.
With a wide smile on her face, she put her chin to her shoulder. “Can you believe—” That was all she said before the color drained from her face.
Remi
My stomach sank as I took in the desolation on his handsome face. A brutal storm clouded his eyes as he sat stiff in the chair. I turned, sitting sideways across his lap, and curled my arm around the side of his neck.
“Jesus, Bowen. What the hell is going on?”
His Adam’s apple bobbed, and he licked his lips. “I swore to you I wouldn’t lie.”
I nodded. “Never ever feel like you have to lie to me.”
“Right, well… I want to be happy for you right now, Remi. Getting your memories back is what you’ve wanted for months. But I am fucking terrified of what it means.” He covered his eyes with one hand, gripping each temple. “I can’t do it again. I can’t do that again. It fucking destroyed me. The constant roller coaster of watching you slip below the surface. Constantly questioning if I could even reach you at all anymore. Never knowing if it was the day that I would finally lose you once and for all. I can’t go back. I’m not saying this so you feel guilty or to insinuate you were ever a burden on me. But I promised to be honest, and right now, I’m so fucking afraid of what it will mean for you to get your memories back.”
Guilt rolled inside me as I studied his face. He’d been put through the wringer. I’d seen it in his eyes each time he’d told me about his Sally. And then again the day I’d left my phone in my car when Katherine had broken her arm and he’d shown up at the hospital on the edge of an emotional breakdown.
He’d been through hell. I had taken this wonderful man, who once upon a time had lived a carefree existence of safety pins and almost-appletinis, through hell. It had never been his journey to take. We’d only been together three weeks when I’d been abducted the first time. No one, myself included, would have blamed him for walking away.
