But that was what Remi and I did. What we would continue to do no matter how many times it was asked of us. Somehow, against all odds, we’d survive.
“Hey, Jack,” I said quietly. “Why don’t you take Aaron home with you. As soon as the doctors give us the green light, I’ll take Remi back to my place and we can all meet up in the—”
“No!” Remi interrupted, suddenly sitting up in the hospital bed.
I flicked my gaze to her, surprised by her sudden outburst. “What’s wrong?”
“May I have a minute alone with Bowen, please?” She looked at her dad and Aaron, who were watching us like hawks.
“Yeah. Of course,” Jack answered, his brows furrowed, clearly as confused as I was. He squeezed Aaron on the shoulder. “How about you and me go wait in the hall for a few. Give these two some privacy.”
Aaron nodded robotically before getting up and shuffling from the room.
When the door closed behind them, I shifted on the bed to face her and once again intertwined our fingers. “What’s going on? Are you nervous about leaving the hospital? He can’t hurt you anymore. You’re safe now. I swear on my life. I won’t ever let anything happen to you again, but we can go to a hotel or my parents’ or anywhere you feel comfortable if you don’t want to go back to my place tonight.”
Her chin quivered as she lifted our joined hands to her mouth, kissing our knuckles. “God help me, I love you,” she croaked as a tear fell from her eye.
“I love you too.” I curled my free hand around the side of her neck and winked. “So fucking much.”
She laughed at the throwback memory, but her breathing shuddered as it morphed into a sob. “I can’t do this with you, Bowen. I owe you my life all over again. And I can never say thank you enough for that. But I can’t just go right back to our perfect little life together and forget everything that’s happened over the last few months.”
My stomach sank and panic filled the empty space. “Remi, baby, come on. If this is about the lies—”
“It’s not the lies, Bowen. I know why you did that. I hate it, and I’ll be honest, it’s going to be a long struggle to trust again, but please believe me when I say, I understand. There was a time when you were in this same hospital in anaphylactic shock. If I had thought all it would take to save you were some lies, I would have been telling them so fast my pants would have been on fire.”
“Then what is it? You’ve been through a lot today. Now is not the time to be making a decision like this. Let me take you home. We can talk or not talk or whatever you need.”
She sucked in a deep breath, squaring her shoulders as she released my hand. “You’re right,” she said. “Today has been a nightmare for all of us. And I know without a shadow of a doubt you would absolutely give me everything in your power to help me recover from this. But the one thing I need most is something you can’t give me.”
“Try me,” I snapped rougher than intended. “There is nothing I can’t give you. I have waged an entire war with fate to keep you. I will do it again.”
“I don’t want you to do it again,” she stated, calm and even.
My shoulders jerked as her verbal arrow landed square in my chest. “What in all of this hell we’ve been through makes you think I have a choice in the matter? You are part of me. Fighting for you is like fighting for my next breath.”
“I realize that now. You are just as big of a victim in all of this as I’ve been. So I’m officially taking the option away from you.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. “Don’t fucking say that.”
“You told me you freed me after the plane crash. Letting me go so I would stop hurting all the time. Well, now it’s my turn to return the favor.”
I stared at her, utterly dumbfounded. “You think breaking up with me is going to free me? You think for one second I’m going to go home and feel any sense of relief without you in my life anymore? Because, quite honestly, it’s pretty fucking insulting after everything we’ve been through.”
“I don’t even know everything we’ve been through!” she exclaimed, her voice no less shaky. “I have no idea who I am. Am I Sally? Am I Remi? Some combination of the two? Someone completely different? I don’t know.”
“Then let me tell you. Nobody knows you like I do. Nobody.”
“And that’s the problem.”
While I didn’t completely understand what she meant, the words still sliced through me like a dagger.
