Page 53 of Vengeance (Ruthless MC 4)
This is the punishment, but I can’t breathe. And I don’t cry, but tears are running down my face.
Suddenly, Des-E’s there. Drawing me into his arms. Anchoring me. Crooning in Spanish until I calm down.
“It wasn’t your fault. None of it was,” Hyena assures me, rubbing my back.
“That wasn’t love. It was sickness,” Vampire tells me. He rubs my calf like Hyena’s rubbing my back. “There’s no amount of anger that justifies killing someone you love or shooting any pregnant woman. And if you’re afraid our feelings could ever turn into that, we need you to know, we’d let you go before we ever hurt you.”
The tears stop, and for some reason, I feel compelled to push on. “I didn’t think about it. I tried not to think about it. I just wanted to get on with my life. I went to Rydell. Then med school. I knew I was going to be an ob-gyn from the start.”
My breath hitches again as I recall my original reasoning. “There were things I could’ve done to help my mother and brother, if I only had the knowledge—if I’d only had been able to come up with a plan at the moment.”
This time, the guys say nothing. But Des-E keeps his arms around me, even though I’ve turned frontward to talk to them all again. And Hyena takes hold of my hand.
“So, I had the job at the roadhouse. And you guys came on to me, but I was determined not to let you knock me off my path. But then I killed my aunt’s boyfriend. And you guys kidnapped me.”
Des-E pulls away from me, and Hyena jerks his head. “Wait a minute, go back. When did we kidnap you?”
I flare my eyes at him. “You know, when you sat me down at the table and said I couldn’t leave until at least January third.”
Hyena shakes his head. “You thought we were kidnapping you?”
“We were trying to keep you safe.” Vampire’s hand falls away from my leg as he informs me, “Des-E had to call in a favor with his family to smooth things over with the Lado Nortes and their allies. It wasn’t a good idea for you to be anywhere near Nashville until it was all cleaned up.”
“So you would have let me go back to my residency on January third?” I ask them incredulously.
“Hell no,” Hyena answers, confirming my point. Until he adds, “We were going to spend the weeks we had with you trying like hell to convince you to transfer your residency to Nebraska, where we could take care of you and help you during our safe house months.”
Wait. They had a plan for my residency? They weren’t just going to keep me here? Chaotic emotions explode in my chest.
But then my trusty voice points out, That doesn’t mean you could trust them. Then or now.
“If that was your plan, why didn’t you just tell me that?” I demand.
“Because we were afraid you’d think we were moving too fast,” Hyena answers simply. “We wanted to show you first how good it could be with us, then introduce the possibility of you staying forever, like we already wanted.”
Vampire rubs at his temple. “The more important question is, if you didn’t believe us about January third, why didn’t you ask us about it? We kept waiting for you to get upset, to push back against all of our rules. Why did you pretend you were okay with all of this and then run?”
“Because I was afraid of you!” I shout back at him, rattling the wrist entrapped in a mental at them. “I was afraid that if I told you I had no intention of staying, you’d do something crazy, like handcuff me to a bed and make me stay whether I wanted to or not.”
Vampire draws back angrily. But Des-E looks more hurt than insulted. “You were scared of us? You didn’t really want us?”
“No, I wanted you,” I answer. “Obviously, I didn’t fake those orgasms. But I was scared.”
Des-E shakes his head. And for once, he’s the one interrogating me. “Why did you save yourself for us, give us your virginity, if you were so scared of us?”
“I didn’t save myself for you,” I insist. “I was just busy. And I wanted to get rid of it. That’s all. I didn’t want it to be something someone took from me. So, I gave it to you. I told you that….”
I’m making total sense, but I trail off because they’re all looking at me like I’ve sliced them open…like, really hurt them. Not just Des-E.
But then Vampire composes his face and says tersely, “Okay, that’s what you think happened. Thank you for telling us.”
I’m right. I know I’m right. My trusty voice has never steered me wrong.
But uncertainty writhes inside my chest again, and beyond that, a bittersweet ache I can’t seem to quell.
