Page 17 of Darling Venom
“And your sister?”
“Still hates me. Mom used to tell us, ‘Don’t shrink yourself to help others grow.’ When I’m with Leah, I feel half my height, but she doesn’t look taller, either. I hate being home, so I end up at the library often.”
“What are you reading these days?”
“The Astonishing Color of After. The Bell Jar.”
“Suicide books.”
“Yeah. You know the plastic paper on a new album? It’s like suicide had that same glossy shine, and once I ripped it off and listened to the music, it didn’t live up to the hype.”
“The problem with books about suicide is they’re written by people who are alive.”
I jerked my chin toward him, throwing him a penny I’d prepared before he’d come here. “A penny for your thoughts?”
“I still think about committing suicide.”
“And your brother?”
“I don’t believe he wants to kill himself, although I strongly hope he reconsiders.”
I rolled my eyes. “Kellan.”
“The past year’s been a shit show. Dad did a stint in rehab. I think he misses the hell out of me. He gets so lonely, Dicks. We only visited him twice the month he was there. Then Tate got himself a girlfriend. She practically lives with us now. Cooking plant-based rabbit food every day, buying me crocheted pajamas from Whole Foods, replacing my vintage leather jacket with vegan leather. She even tried to limit my time with my dad after he got discharged.”
“That’s bullshit.” I scrunched my nose. “Did you put her in her place?”
He ran his fingers through his new platinum hair. “I’m putting them through hell. I barely talk to Tate anymore. He fights with Dad all the time. I heard him telling Hannah, his girl, that he’s thinking of moving away. He got a job offer in Seattle. As much as I hate this school, I’d have nothing to live for if I moved away from New York. Dad’s all I have.”
“He’ll do anything to keep you away from your father,” I mouthed. I hated his brother without ever meeting him. “What a tool.”
We stayed on the roof for another hour, catching up.
I told him about my physics project, the books I’d checked out, pieces of gossip about my friends. He told me how he’d started writing for a few fanzines, and I pretended it was news to me.
He also began working on an actual novel, but he didn’t elaborate when I fished for details.
This time, we took the stairs down together.
When Kellan turned to leave, he groaned, “Yeah, yeah, I know the spiel. Same day, same time, same roof.”
“Try not to die this year.” I punched his arm. Nerd with a capital N.
“No promises.” I made a sad face. He rolled his eyes. “I’ll give you a heads-up if I decide to.”
I offered him a thumbs-up as I continued walking backward to the train station.
I parted a cloud of helium-filled, red, heart-shaped Valentine’s Day balloons knotted to two street vendor carts. It felt like I’d stepped out of a dream, back into a reality I didn’t want to deal with, that didn’t want to deal with me.
The only thing keeping me from crashing down was Kellan’s half-moon smile.
Reluctant, but there.
“It’s a date.”
Charlotte Richards got under my skin.
No question about it.
