Page 244 of Darling Venom
“I don’t read.”
He hopped off Mars and moved onto Saturn.
Structure. Restriction. Obligation.
Not that I thought his planetary decisions were his way of telling me something, but still…
I wanted to bulldoze past his walls and send him to Pluto—transformation, rebirth, evolution.
I rested my hands behind me on the globe, using them to support my weight as I leaned back. “Your patients would be appalled to learn you made it through med school without cracking open a book.”
“Textbooks and medical journals don’t count as reading.”
“Pretend it’s a textbook. A textbook on Kellan’s soul.”
He leaned forward, eyes tangling with mine. “Is it autobiographical?”
“In a sense…” I shrugged. Or tried to with my arms still stretched behind me. “Some things are fictionalized.”
“Such as…?”
My happy ending with Kellan.
One where he’s alive and together with me.
One where you’re not in the picture.
“The happy ending.” I bit my lip, closing my eyes.
The breeze lapped at my cheeks. Tate and I would choose the coldest, darkest time of day to meet. Everything we did bore the not-so-subtle stench of masochism.
“Kellan isn’t the type to write happy endings.”
“It’s happy by his standard.”
“That sounds more accurate.”
It tore out of him.
My eyes popped open, zeroing in on Tate. He stared up at the sky, his lips parted. The bottom one crept forward, as if he held words in his head desperate to spill out.
In the span of a few minutes, Tate had gone from casual to stricken. I guess that’s why they call grief an unforgiving bitch. She can sucker punch you at any time.
I slid my jacket off my shoulders and let it fall to the ground so I could enjoy the chill. Or maybe it would spur Tate to come here and warm me.
I didn’t know what I wanted.
I just knew, whatever warmth I received, I needed to know it wasn’t artificial.
Or temporary.
“What are you thinking right now?” I asked.
“I’m thinking life is cruel, and whoever designed it is crueler.” He slanted his head, staring at the night sky. A frown touched his lips. “And that’s only on days I’m willing to suspend my disbelief in favor of the possibility of a world where Kel still exists.”
I tried to swallow around the boulder in my throat. Tate wore a Kellan-shaped hole in his chest. I wanted to fill it up. To step inside his body and see the world as he saw it. So I could experience the pain he felt and shoulder it for him.
“You’re right.” The wind carried his words to me like a love letter being passed in secret. “Kellan was so strong to last as long as he did.”
