Page 197 of Darling Venom
Charlie’s hand dropped to her side.
She scowled at me. “What is your problem, Tate? I thought we were over this. You’re acting like you hate me.”
I don’t hate you. That’s the problem.
Actually, I did.
But for all the wrong reasons.
“I do.” My mouth ignored my brain’s command to shut the fuck up. “I hate you for knowing Kellan wanted to kill himself and keeping it from me. I hate you for not saving him. And most of all, I hate myself for still wanting you.”
Rain pelleted down on us. Fat drops tumbled from her lashes to her cheeks like tears. She looked broken and beautiful in this moment. More so than I’d ever seen her.
She still had the umbrella over me. And she still had pain in her heart, using the organ for batting practice. And she was selfless, and fuck-hot, and the opposite of everything my words suggested.
If I could take them back, I would.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“So, it’s true. You knew.”
“I did.” She sat down beside me, keeping her distance, even if it meant more rain hammered down on her. “I’m also sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“Why’d you lie?”
“Because… I don’t know. Lies hurt. Truth slays.” She squeezed her thigh as she used my own words against me.
I couldn’t believe she remembered them.
“And still, I ended up hurt.”
I could admit that, at least.
“Because you found out the truth,” she pointed out. “There’s no excuse. We met on Valentine’s Day in eighth grade. I went to St. Paul’s roof, where I found Kellan. He was about to jump. I yelled at him to stop, and he did. We talked the rest of the night. Ended up making a pact to check up on one another on the same day at the same time every year until we graduated.”
“Just once a year?”
“Kellan’s idea. He wanted to limit the time we spent together in public. I think he didn’t want me near him in school because he was a social pariah by that point. If I talked to him, I’d be their next target. And like a coward, I accepted his terms. I think I felt relief.”
Rain tracked down her cheek, blurring her freckles.
Or maybe it was a tear.
“You should’ve come to me.”
“I thought I had it under control. Actually, I lied to myself that I did. I think, deep down, I knew I
didn’t, but I was too consumed with my own issues and too hesitant to take extreme measures to help Kellan. Eventually, I tried. I talked to him at school, but he humiliated me in front of the other students. I went to the principal and wrote a letter, but whatever she did, it made Kellan madder. I texted him, but he blocked my number. I showed up in front of your house and waited for you for hours, but Kellan called the cops to kick me out.”
“He didn’t want to be saved.”
“No, he didn’t. But it shouldn’t have stopped me. I kept trying, even after that, but nothing worked. I guess… I know I tried. Hard. But I also know there were more things I could have done. I should have tracked you down and told you. Forced you to make him get help. Maybe sought out Terry. He’s rough around the edges, but I know he would’ve at least helped me get in touch with you. There were so many options, and I didn’t do enough. And then I lied to you about it when we met and I had the opportunity to come clean.”
“Charlie.”
She shook her head. “Wait. I need to say this.” She turned her body to face me entirely. Her hand reached out, touching mine. “I’m sorry, Tate. You don’t need to accept my apology. Just know I’m sorry. That I cared about him. That he was worth saving. That I will regret not saving him for the rest of my life.”
I slipped my hand out from under hers.
