Page 167 of Darling Venom
Only person who would do this for me.
Terry sure as shit wouldn’t (and didn’t know a cucumber from a zucchini), Hilda quit, and no one else had a key.
I made myself a sandwich, swallowed it in fewer bites than was civil, and pounded up the stairs, eager to escape a hundred-foot radius of the sloth glued to my sofa cushions.
I found Kel’s door cracked open, sound drifting past the barrier.
Charlie’s voice, to be exact.
I peeked inside, hovering in front of the gap like a goddamn creep. She was sprawled across the floor, hair fanned out in a halo, staring at the ceiling. Talking to herself. Or maybe to Kellan. I don’t know. We all did weird things when it came to Kel.
“Remember when I waited in front of your house?”
For a moment, I thought she was talking to me.
But then she continued, “I waited all day for Tate to come home, building up the courage to yell at him for not treating you right, but he never showed. And you called the cops on me. I was embarrassed when they kicked me out. And mad. God, I was so mad.”
Her hand met the hardwood. She traced a pattern I couldn’t make out, sighing.
“I sometimes wonder what would’ve happened if you hadn’t called the cops when I showed up, if Tate had arrived, if I had the opportunity to talk to him. Would it have made a difference? Would you be alive?”
A single tear trailed down her cheek.
“I’m so sorry, Kellan. I’m so sorry I didn’t try harder. I’m so sorry we all failed you.”
She turned on her side, curling into a ball.
“I think about our pact a lot. About the fact that you broke it. About the fact that I broke a rule first. But you were supposed to meet me on the roof every year until senior year. You robbed me of a meeting, Kellan.”
I wanted to hold her.
To hide her inside me and protect her from the world.
A pipe dream.
But I found myself gripping the doorknob.
She spoke again. “The unknowns haunt me. I thought I would figure them out if I read Darling Venom, but your words left more questions than they did answers. If you knew you were going to kill yourself, why would you agree to the damn pact? Why would you agree to check in on each other every year? Why did you stop yourself from committing suicide the first time we tried?”
We.
I froze.
They weren’t just suspicions.
She full-on knew Kel wanted to commit suicide, and she did nothing.
She. Knew.
My hand gripped the doorknob so hard I almost broke it.
There would be no going back from this. No looking Charlotte in the eyes and wanting her.
I hated myself for craving this.
I turned without confronting her.
There was nothing to say.
