Page 77 of Storm
Me making excuses to my friends every other day to look at the notice board in front of the staffroom. Just because the staffroom has a glass door and while checking the notice board, I could have a look at what was Aariz doing sitting in there. Just for the sake of having a glimpse of him, before or after lectures...
Me getting restless, thinking he is sick every time he remained absent in college...
Me being overcome with emptiness, whenever he would be upset and not teasing me or talking to me in class...
Me fighting with Mirelle, Rose and other classmates, by taking Aariz's side whenever they felt he was harsh and wrong to everyone, or that he always gives the toughest questions in quizzes and assignments. I always took a stand for him...
Me refusing Sahil when he had asked me during the group project, if I would go out with him someday. I had denied straightaway, although I myself did not know the reason for my refusal...
Now I knew the answer for these questions. The answer was, Aariz. He had been the reason I had refused to go out with Sahil. Aariz was the reason I couldn’t think about any other guy but him. I cared so much about what Aariz likes that I had always been dying to know every little detail about him. Aariz had taken charge of my senses, my mind, my thinking, my HEART!
Finally, I had the answer to my questions. Though, I think somewhere I always knew in the depths of my heart that I could never consider Aariz as my friend. My pretence of not liking him will fall some day and I would have to accept my real feelings. Because I feel for him, a lot...I had always felt for him more than I should. These feelings were strong and deep, even though Aariz was doing all this just because he was lonely and wanted to be my friend. But I couldn’t...I just couldn’t.
Until now, I had kept these feelings locked inside my heart. Never tried to think about them knowing we can never happen.
Now when it was clear that I was right, that he does not feel the same way, he would never reciprocate my feelings, that he just wanted to be my friend...Then why did it hurt so much. When I had always known this, why does it have to hurt so badly?!
“Who just wants to be your friend?” Mirelle nudged me.
“No one...I was just thinking something.” I answered nonchalantly and turned to look out of the window, wiping off my tears surreptitiously, before she saw them.
“But your eyes are wet. Are you crying? What’s wrong Sani?” Mirelle shook my shoulder,
trying to make me look at her.
Oh, God...why is she suddenly behaving like a detective!
“Nothing is wrong. Why would I cry?” I tried to sound casual, and gestured outside, changing the topic, “We have reached. C'mon let’s get down and go home.”
We got down the bus and I was about to take a cab or go to the railway station when-
“Sani, my car is here and I'm going home. Shall I drop you?” Aariz's voice came from behind me.
I was going through a lot of emotional turmoil right now and its main reason was Aariz. Hence, there was no way I could even meet his eyes.
“Thanks a lot. I will go on my own...Bye.” I muttered with my back to him and left without a glance.
Mirelle stayed in the dorms, and Rose as usual never offered me a ride. Hence, I took the train. I was still deep in thought, when it struck my mind-
Oh crap! How can I forget?! Zee is Aariz's best friend and they have a large group of friends. Aariz is anything but lonely! This means his behaviour towards me and the reason he had been doing all that was because maybe...maybe he feels the same way for me as I do for him. He...He likes me?! Of course, he does not hate me. But like me as someone special?! That is just...He is my Professor. It’s so...Ohh God!
I could not even complete this thought to myself. This was terrifying!
Besides, how do I know for sure, what I am thinking is correct? That he feels for me too. How do I confirm? After all, there is a very good chance that I am wrong and he does not give two shits about me! Forget about feelings.
All these fears and anticipations kept me pondering all night. Then morning came with me shivering in high fever. My parents asked me to skip college for the day.
20-THUNDERING OUTBURST
Aariz
I was restless with Sani’s absence. Whole day went by and when on the second day as well she did not come, I called Zidaan pretending to be concerned because she was missing classes. I did not feel like telling him she had been wierd on the way back from the trip. I felt guilty though I did not even know if I was the reason for her behaviour.
Zidaan told me, she had fever.
On the third day, finally Sani arrived in college. To my surprise she behaved in a very unusual way. She avoided making eye contact with me in class. She even changed her seat. In corridors if she saw me, she would turn around and go the other way. She was avoiding me but I couldn’t understand why?
Her behaviour hurt me, because I did not know what I had done this time!
